jokes about shopping
- Shopping
- A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the most perfect shoes in the ...
- Haircut
- A guy sticks his head in the barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The ...
- Name
- Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs ...
- Shop
- Where do Captain Hook and Darth ...
- Samsun
- Q: What do you call security guards working ...
- A chemist Shop
- Young lad gets a job in a chemist shop. A lady comes in and asks for a box of tampons. The lad ...
- Barbie
- Ralph is driving home one evening, when he suddenly realizes that it's his daughter's birthday and ...
- Life Hack
- Life hack: Hold your wife’s hand in the shopping mall. If you don’t, she might start shopping. ...
- barber shop
- I've opened a barber shop for ...
- Shopping
- "Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items
the woman wished to purchase. As she ...
- Shopping Math
- SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that ...
- A Parrot Named Chet
- One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift ...
- Shopping
- A wife asks her husband, a software engineer, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one ...
- Kids
- At the shops a man noticed a lady eyeing his two adopted children curiously. The boy was blond, ...
- Shops
- A shopkeeper was dismayed when a store opened next door with a huge sign that said, BEST DEALS!” ...
- Shopping
- A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, ...
- Golf Ball
- A blond golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning.
Finally the pro askes her what ...
- Shop lifting
- An 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting.
When she went before the judge he asked her, " ...
- Sale
- A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser ...
- Crisco
- A Husband and Wife were shopping at the grocery store. The wife takes off shopping and her husband
...
- Jezus
- An Irish man with a crooked back walks into a coffee shop and sees Jesus sitting in the corner ...
- Hailstorm
- A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was ...
- Jumping
- Two fellas from rural Minnesota walked into a pet shop in Minneapolis. They head to the bird ...
- Parakeet
- A fellow walks into a pet store and asks to buy a canary. The proprietor replies, "I'm fresh out, ...
- Swedes
- Two Swedes from Minnesota, Sven & Ole, walk into a pet shop near Brainerd. They head to the bird ...
- Free meat
- It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, ...
- HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY AND DRIVE OTHER PEOPLE INSANE
- 1. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
2. Find out where your boss shops ...
- Lame
- Ok, A Woman owns a coffee shop on a quite busy street full of many different businesses. It was ...
- Grocery
- I accidentally went grocery shopping on an ...
- Order Online
- Man: Darling, I just ordered our groceries online.
Wife: Really?! You’ve just sent me a ...
- These days
- These days about half the stuff in my ...
- The Blind Salesman
- A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday.
She doesn't ...
- Shoes
- In a shoe shop:
These shoes might be tight for the next two weeks.
Don’t worry. I’ll ...
- Birds
- Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. Right away they go to the bird section and Sean says to Paddy; " ...
- iPad
- A father and son are out shopping for Christmas presents for their family. The son asks, "What ...
- The Butcher
- As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in its mouth reading: "10 lamb ...
- Grandpa
- A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall.
He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've ...
- A good way to start the day
- A good way to start the day
Heavenly Father, Help us remember that the jerk who cut us off in ...
- Night Guard
- One shop owner asks another, “So, have you had any reactions yet to your ad that you’re looking ...
- Perfect Marriage
- RED SKELTON'S Recipe for the Perfect Marriage:
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, ...
- Twenty Dollars
- "Hey, Mom," asked Little Johnny, "can you give me twenty dollars?"
"Certainly not," she said. ...
- Supper
- "Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."
"What? Are you crazy? ...
- Flat Tummy
- A little boy walks into his parents room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The ...
- Women's Revenge
- "Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled ...
- Armed Robber
- A shop assistant tried stopping an armed robber by attacking him with a labeling gun.
Police are ...
- Wal-Mart
- One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike, "My elbow hurts like crazy. I guess I ...
- Men and Women
- I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have ...
- Vacation Clothes
- While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had ...
- Women's Revenge
- WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to ...
- My wife left me...
- My wife left me...
I don't understand. After the last child was born, she told me we had to ...
- Lamb
- A man walks into his local butcher's shop and complains about the leg of lamb that he had ...
- Catholic Shampoo
- Catholic Shampoo:
While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer,wine, ...
- Suits
- A man walks into a suit shop and asks to try on some of the suits. The salesman obliges and gives ...
- Hurry
- A woman was waiting in the checkout line at a shopping center. Her arms were laden with a mop and ...
- Male Logic
- This is a story which is perfectly logical to all males:
A wife asks her husband, "Could you ...
- Cash
- In a shop for kids, Peter selects a toy car, comes to the cash desk and gives the cashier money- ...
- Words
- Q: What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?
A: A spelling bee.
Q: Where do cows go for ...
- Nuns
- Two nuns are doing their grocery shopping. As they pass the cooler full of beer, one nun says ...
- Parrot
- A man went to a pet shop and bought a talking parrot.
He took the parrot home, and tried to teach ...
- Robber
- A little old lady came home from shopping and found a robber in her kitchen.
Scared and not ...
- Playing Golf
- A lady is out playing golf and get's stung by a bee.
She goes to the pro shop for help and asks ...
- Italian Pasta Diet
- Italian Pasta Diet, it really works!!!
1) You walka pasta da bakery.
2) You walka pasta da ...
- Parrot
- A parrot was in a pet shop with a string attached to each leg when a man walked in looking to buy a ...
- Parrots
- One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section ...
- Widdle Wabbit
- A precious little girl walks into a PetSmart shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between ...
- Pi
- Geometry professor goes into a tattoo shop and asks to get π on his back.
After a few hours he ...
- Thermos
- A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by ...
- Hamburger
- A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to ...
- Stealing
- A woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, “What did you ...
- Widdle Wabbits?
- A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two ...
- Old Lady
- A guy shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she ...
- Dumb Kid
- A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer,"This is the dumbest kid
...
- Tattoo
- Larry gets home late one night, and his wife Linda says, where in the hell have you been?"
He ...
- Really No Comparison
- A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a ...
- Remote
- Don't get too mad, I AM trying to push your buttons here.
When I picked up the universal remote at ...
- Retirement is different for everyone..
- One day, while going to the store, I passed by a nursing home. On the front lawn were six old
...
- Can't get out
- An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess; the route they were flying ...
- Meet My Mistress...
- A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young ...
- Late
- Mary and Dave got along pretty well. But there was one thing that drove Mary absolutely crazy, and ...
- Toilet Paper
- A little old lady goes into the store to do some shopping. She is bewildered over the large ...
- Two Scotts Drinking
- Two Scotts drinking in a pub one day. One says to the other you know its rather expensive to be ...
- Women
- There was a guy walking down the street in San Fransisco, and he tripped over an old looking oil ...
- The Pharmacy
- A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.
The woman he was talking to ...
- Damn Cat
- A man who hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of the animal by driving him several blocks away ...
- Who in the hell is Larry?
- Who in the hell is Larry?
Well Larry is the guy who gets home late one night and: Linda, his ...
- A Single Woman
- A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
a half-gallon of 2% milk,
a ...
- Headache
- A man went to the doctor suffering from severe headaches. After a thorough examination, the doctor
...
- The drunk
- A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected 2 litres of low fat milk, a carton ...
- What do retired people do all day
- What do retired people do all day
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to ...
- Turn back your car odometer
- A blonde made several attempts to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems finding a ...
- Why Underwear is Important
- Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle... From the ...
- Union Rules
- A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out ...
- Dorothy and Edna
- Dorothy and Edna two "senior" widows, are talking at the local coffee shop.
Dorothy: "That nice ...
- Bored?
- Jam miniature marshmallows up your nose and sneeze them out. See how many you can do at a time.
...
- Underwear
- Listen up! If you don't laugh out loud at this one, call the morgue and reserve a tray, because you ...
- The Sausage
- Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could ...
- A very successful Lawyer
- A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Porsche Carrera GT in front of the office, ready to ...
- Tattoo
- A woman walks into a tattoo parlor...
"Do you do custom work?" she asks the artist.
"Why of ...
- Anniversary
- Bill’s second Anniversary was coming up and if there was one thing that got his wife Suzy upset, ...
- Camel
- There was a tour bus in Egypt that stopped in the middle of a town square. The tourists are all ...
