jokes about shopping

this sign outside a vacuum shop
I went out shopping
Mickey and Donald shopping for an outfit
A photoshop fail in a shop window
most cruel shop name
I wont be shopping at Dollards this year
what happens when you go shopping on an empty stomach
Old men explains you cant do cheap shopping anymore
lets go shopping she said, it wont take long
Shopping
A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the most perfect shoes in the ...
Haircut
A guy sticks his head in the barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The ...
Name
Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs ...
Shop
Where do Captain Hook and Darth ...
Samsun
Q: What do you call security guards working ...
A chemist Shop
Young lad gets a job in a chemist shop. A lady comes in and asks for a box of tampons. The lad ...
Barbie
Ralph is driving home one evening, when he suddenly realizes that it's his daughter's birthday and ...
barber shop
I've opened a barber shop for ...
Life Hack
Life hack: Hold your wife’s hand in the shopping mall. If you don’t, she might start shopping. ...
Shopping
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she ...
Shopping Math
SHOPPING MATH A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that ...
A Parrot Named Chet
One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift ...
Shopping
A wife asks her husband, a software engineer, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one ...
Kids
At the shops a man noticed a lady eyeing his two adopted children curiously. The boy was blond, ...
Shops
A shopkeeper was dismayed when a store opened next door with a huge sign that said, BEST DEALS!” ...
Shopping
A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, ...
Golf Ball
A blond golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning. Finally the pro askes her what ...
Shop lifting
An 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, " ...
Sale
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser ...
Crisco
A Husband and Wife were shopping at the grocery store. The wife takes off shopping and her husband ...
Jezus
An Irish man with a crooked back walks into a coffee shop and sees Jesus sitting in the corner ...
Hailstorm
A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was ...
Jumping
Two fellas from rural Minnesota walked into a pet shop in Minneapolis. They head to the bird ...
Parakeet
A fellow walks into a pet store and asks to buy a canary. The proprietor replies, "I'm fresh out, ...
Swedes
Two Swedes from Minnesota, Sven & Ole, walk into a pet shop near Brainerd. They head to the bird ...
Free meat
It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, ...
HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY AND DRIVE OTHER PEOPLE INSANE
1. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice. 2. Find out where your boss shops ...
Lame
Ok, A Woman owns a coffee shop on a quite busy street full of many different businesses. It was ...
Order Online
Man: Darling, I just ordered our groceries online. Wife: Really?! You’ve just sent me a ...
Grocery
I accidentally went grocery shopping on an ...
These days
These days about half the stuff in my ...
The Blind Salesman
A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't ...
Shoes
In a shoe shop: These shoes might be tight for the next two weeks. Don’t worry. I’ll ...
Birds
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. Right away they go to the bird section and Sean says to Paddy; " ...
iPad
A father and son are out shopping for Christmas presents for their family. The son asks, "What ...
The Butcher
As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in its mouth reading: "10 lamb ...
Grandpa
A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've ...
A good way to start the day
A good way to start the day Heavenly Father, Help us remember that the jerk who cut us off in ...
Night Guard
One shop owner asks another, “So, have you had any reactions yet to your ad that you’re looking ...
Perfect Marriage
RED SKELTON'S Recipe for the Perfect Marriage: 1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, ...
Twenty Dollars
"Hey, Mom," asked Little Johnny, "can you give me twenty dollars?" "Certainly not," she said. ...
Supper
"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? ...
Flat Tummy
A little boy walks into his parents room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The ...
Women's Revenge
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled ...
Wal-Mart
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike, "My elbow hurts like crazy. I guess I ...
Men and Women
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have ...
Vacation Clothes
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had ...
Women's Revenge
WOMEN'S REVENGE "Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to ...
My wife left me...
My wife left me... I don't understand. After the last child was born, she told me we had to ...
Lamb
A man walks into his local butcher's shop and complains about the leg of lamb that he had ...
Catholic Shampoo
Catholic Shampoo: While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer,wine, ...
Suits
A man walks into a suit shop and asks to try on some of the suits. The salesman obliges and gives ...
Cash
In a shop for kids, Peter selects a toy car, comes to the cash desk and gives the cashier money- ...
Hurry
A woman was waiting in the checkout line at a shopping center. Her arms were laden with a mop and ...
Male Logic
This is a story which is perfectly logical to all males: A wife asks her husband, "Could you ...
Words
Q: What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A: A spelling bee. Q: Where do cows go for ...
Nuns
Two nuns are doing their grocery shopping. As they pass the cooler full of beer, one nun says ...
Parrot
A man went to a pet shop and bought a talking parrot. He took the parrot home, and tried to teach ...
Italian Pasta Diet
Italian Pasta Diet, it really works!!! 1) You walka pasta da bakery. 2) You walka pasta da ...
Playing Golf
A lady is out playing golf and get's stung by a bee. She goes to the pro shop for help and asks ...
Robber
A little old lady came home from shopping and found a robber in her kitchen. Scared and not ...
Parrot
A parrot was in a pet shop with a string attached to each leg when a man walked in looking to buy a ...
Parrots
One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section ...
Widdle Wabbit
A precious little girl walks into a PetSmart shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between ...
Pi
Geometry professor goes into a tattoo shop and asks to get π on his back. After a few hours he ...
Hamburger
A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to ...
Thermos
A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by ...
Stealing
A woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, “What did you ...
Widdle Wabbits?
A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two ...
Dumb Kid
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer,"This is the dumbest kid ...
Old Lady
A guy shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she ...
Tattoo
Larry gets home late one night, and his wife Linda says, where in the hell have you been?" He ...
Really No Comparison
A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a ...
Remote
Don't get too mad, I AM trying to push your buttons here. When I picked up the universal remote at ...
Retirement is different for everyone..
One day, while going to the store, I passed by a nursing home. On the front lawn were six old ...
Can't get out
An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess; the route they were flying ...
Meet My Mistress...
A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young ...
Late
Mary and Dave got along pretty well. But there was one thing that drove Mary absolutely crazy, and ...
Toilet Paper
A little old lady goes into the store to do some shopping. She is bewildered over the large ...
Two Scotts Drinking
Two Scotts drinking in a pub one day. One says to the other you know its rather expensive to be ...
Women
There was a guy walking down the street in San Fransisco, and he tripped over an old looking oil ...
The Pharmacy
A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to ...
Damn Cat
A man who hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of the animal by driving him several blocks away ...
Who in the hell is Larry?
Who in the hell is Larry? Well Larry is the guy who gets home late one night and: Linda, his ...
A Single Woman
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: a half-gallon of 2% milk, a ...
Headache
A man went to the doctor suffering from severe headaches. After a thorough examination, the doctor ...
The drunk
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected 2 litres of low fat milk, a carton ...
What do retired people do all day
What do retired people do all day Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to ...
Turn back your car odometer
A blonde made several attempts to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems finding a ...
Why Underwear is Important
Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle... From the ...
Union Rules
A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out ...
Dorothy and Edna
Dorothy and Edna two "senior" widows, are talking at the local coffee shop. Dorothy: "That nice ...
The Sausage
Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could ...
Bored?
Jam miniature marshmallows up your nose and sneeze them out. See how many you can do at a time. ...
Underwear
Listen up! If you don't laugh out loud at this one, call the morgue and reserve a tray, because you ...
A very successful Lawyer
A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Porsche Carrera GT in front of the office, ready to ...
Tattoo
A woman walks into a tattoo parlor... "Do you do custom work?" she asks the artist. "Why of ...
Anniversary
Bill’s second Anniversary was coming up and if there was one thing that got his wife Suzy upset, ...
Happy Anniversary
Bill’s second Anniversary was coming up and if there was one thing that got his wife Suzy upset, ...
Camel
There was a tour bus in Egypt that stopped in the middle of a town square. The tourists are all ...

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