jokes about police

Paper beats rock again! #police #violation
When a cop on a motorcycle gives you a ticket
this police officer is always willing to help #beer #waste
Just because you wear a custume doesnt mean you have special powers #superman #spiderman #police
This guy didnt even call an uber #police
Cops dont give tickets to pretty girls #police
This police report is about the worst possible crime!
A new drug fighting approach from the local police
A police officer caught beating kids on college campus
If its the thought that counts #jail
Cop pulls over dunkin donut truck
Ok, lets put things in perspective
fat police officer arrest guy
Police hit car
prisoner police transport escape
chicken crossing road police
police little kid mustang
Police Exam
A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own ...
Police Comment Transcriptions
Police Comment Transcriptions The following 15 Police Comments were taken from actual police car ...
jail
My brother took going to jail really badly... He refused food and drinks, he spat and swore at ...
Juggler
A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. "What are those machetes ...
Traffic Cop
I got pulled over by a traffic cop. He walked up to my window and said, "Papers." I said, "Scissors, ...
K-9
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She ...
A couple in a Car
A cop was patrolling at night in a well-known spot. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior ...
Stop Sign
A cop pulls a young guy over: "Hello officer" said the smart aleck kid. "Young man did you see ...
Lawyer
A man hired a lawyer when he got sued by his company for embezzlement of many millions. At the ...
Blonde Speeding
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a ...
Police
I just said, “No comment” all the way ...
A very successful Lawyer
A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Porsche Carrera GT in front of the office, ready to ...
Tests
Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, “Step out of the car” says ...
Can not
Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, “Step out of the car” says ...
Riot Police
Why do riot police like to get to ...
Drunk Driver
A guy who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, ...
Court
Defendant (after being sentenced to 90 days in jail): Can I address the court? Judge: Of course. ...
Pulled over
A guy got pulled over for speeding and the cop said, “Do you know how fast you were going, sir?” ...
Straight Line
A cop is doing standard patrol when he notices a car swerving all over the road. He quickly turns ...
Walk the Line
A cop is doing standard patrol when he notices a car swerving all over the road. He quickly turns ...
Cop
While I was "flying" down the road yesterday (i.e. 4 km/h over the limit), I passed over a bridge ...
Police
Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, “ ...
Amish
An Amish lady trots down the road in her horse and buggy when a cop pulls her over. "Ma'am," says ...
Missing
A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing. The police arrive and ask for a ...
Jail
Brian hit rock bottom. He was going to jail for insider trading and it couldn’t get much worse ...
Speeding Ticket
While I was flying down the road yesterday (only 15 mph over), Inoticed a cop with a radar gun ...
Police
I got pulled over by the police. He came to the window and said papers ... I said - scissors, I ...
A Drunk
A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth. A cop on the ...
Don't say this to a cop
The top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over. 20. I can't reach my license ...
Guns
A guy makes a rolling stop at a stop sign, and gets pulled over by a local policeman. The guy ...
Bridge
A truck driver is driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads “Low Bridge Ahead.” ...
Hooker?
Ole was walking home late at night, through the park and sees a woman in the shadows. "Twenty ...
Drunk
A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over. He walked up to the car and saw a ...
Prisoner
A prisoner is finally released, after many years in jail. He stands at the pavement, yelling, "I'm ...
pope
After getting all of Pope Benedicts luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesnt travel light), the ...
Pulled over
A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over. He walked up to the car and saw a ...
Movie
When the usher noticed a man stretched across three seats in the movie theater, he walked over and ...
The Energizer Bunny
The Energizer Bunny, known best for "going and going and going..." passed away last evening. Upon ...
Lost Cat
“Hi, police department? I’ve lost my cat and … “Sorry lady, this is not a police job, we ...
A drunk
A drunk phoned the police to report that thieves had broken in to his car. 'They've stolen the ...
Phone
A phone gets thrown into a jail cell. His cell mate looks at him and asks "what are you being ...
Drunk
A cop pulls a guy over for weaving across two lanes of traffic. He walks up to the drivers window ...
SMART ASS ANSWERS according to Reader's Digest
Smart Ass Answer #5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. ...
Theatre
A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theatre. When the usher came by and ...
Local Police Station
Little Davies's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw ...
Smart Ass Answers
SMART ASS ANSWER #6 It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline. "Would you like dinner?" ...
Blondes
Two blondes were sitting at a table in a club, when a guy invites one of them to dance. She asks ...
Bizarre Police Reports
Bizarre Police Reports In Detroit, Oregon, a hunter thought he had found a severed human head ...
Too much to drink
A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him ...
Politicians
One day the whole state legislature was aboard the official state bus touring a rural area. The ...
Grandpa
A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've ...
Lecture
John was the cop in a small town where everyone knew each other. One night, during his night patrol, ...
Lecture
On New Year's Eve, Daniel was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and ...
Drunk
John was the cop in a small town where everyone knew each other. One night, during his night patrol, ...
Directions
A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street. ...
Nudist
A hole has been found in the nudist camp ...
Tongue-Twister
Police have arrested the World tongue-twister Champion. I imagine he'll be given a tough ...
Plane Crash
A small 1 seater plane crashed into a cemetery. Police have recovered 102 bodies so far and will ...
40
Everybody knows 40 is the new 30, right? But the police officer giving me a speeding ticket couldn†...
Lookout
Did you hear the police are on the lookout for a psychic midget? Yeah, there is a small medium ...
Police
A police motorcycle cop stops a driver for running a red light. The driver is a real jerk, ...
Heaven and Hell
Heaven is Where: the Police are British, the Chefs are Italian, the Mechanics are German, the ...
Stolen toilets
They stole all the toilets from the Police ...
Two old guys
Two old guys, Rodger and Chuck, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels ...
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GERMAN
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GERMAN: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. Ok ok,give them a ...
Robber
Why did the robber apply for a job in the police station? Because there was a notice board outside ...
Round like a shot
Going to bed the other night I noticed people in my shed stealing things. I phoned the police but ...
Different degrees of blondeness
Different degrees of blondeness FIRST DEGREE A married couple were asleep when the phone rang ...
Driving and Dating
What do driving and dating have in common? Both end up with you being chased by the police if ...
Driving and Knitting
This police officer sees an old lady at the same time so after driving next to her for awhile he ...
Fire
This lady was at the gas station pumping gas and smoking a cigarette when her arm caught fire. ...
A little old lady
A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in ...
Lost it
A policeman finds someone crawling on all fours in the middle of the street. The cop approaches him ...
Two kids
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. ...
Drunk
The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. ...
Speeding
A man was pulled over for speeding. The officer walks up to the car and says to the driver, "Look, ...
The drunk
A drunk, passed out in the middle of town, was picked up by the cops. After sobering up, the cops ...
Parrot Talk
One day a guy walked into a pet store to buy a parrot. He found one that he liked and went up to ...
Police
A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says "Lady, it says here that you should be ...
Weight
Firefighters are worth their weight in gold. ...
A Police Officer
A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early ...
Things not to say to police officers
1. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. 2. Aren't you the guy ...
Stealing
A woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, “What did you ...
Hipsters
I met two hipsters today, they had the same outfit, shirt, trousers, even the belt! I asked "did ...
Speed
(Note for those unfamiliar with the British road network: 'A' roads are main, or arterial, roads ...
Police
The following were purportedly taken off of actual police car videos around the USA... "Take ...
Shot Husband
A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station. “I have an interesting case ...
Shop lifting
An 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, " ...
Cyanide
A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide. The pharmacist ...
Broken Tail Light
Police officer talks to a driver: Your tail light is broken, your tires must be exchanged and your ...
Drunk Driver
From the State where drink driving is considered a sport, comes a true story from the Sunshine ...
A newly wed couple
A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition that the best man dance with the ...
Speeding Ticket
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. ...
Things To Think About
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. One tequila, two tequila, three ...
Robbed
A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed. The offenders had also ...
Naked Bikers
Hello, Help! "Send someone over quickly!" the old woman screamed into the phone. "Two ...
Spaghetti
A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not ...
Burglar
A man goes to the police station wanting to speak to the burglar who broke into his house the night ...
Burglar
A man goes to the police station wanting to speak to the burglar who broke into his house the night ...
Burn Out
Top ten ways that you know you are suffering from "job burnout" 10. You're so tired; you now ...

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