jokes about police
- Speeding
- A cop stops a guy for speeding
Cop: License and registration...It says here you need glasses!
...
- Police Exam
- A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you
had to arrest your own ...
- Theater
- This one guy was at a theater and he was sprawled out over 3 seats.
The usher came by and told the ...
- Police Comment Transcriptions
- Police Comment Transcriptions
The following 15 Police Comments were taken from actual police car ...
- jail
- My brother took going to jail really badly... He refused food and drinks, he spat and swore at ...
- Cops
- What's a Cop's favorite ...
- Lawyer
- A man hired a lawyer when he got sued by his company for embezzlement of many millions. At the ...
- Jail
- Brian hit rock bottom. He was going to jail for insider trading and it couldn’t get much worse ...
- Drunk
- A drunk wakes up in jail and asks the first police officer he sees, "Why am I here?" The officer ...
- Court
- Defendant (after being sentenced to 90 days in jail): Can I address the court?
Judge: Of course.
...
- Too much to drink
- A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him ...
- Missing
- A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing.
The police arrive and ask for a ...
- Robbed Police station
- The local police station was robbed. All the toilets were taken!
The police have nothing to go ...
- Police
- Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, “ ...
- Police
- I got pulled over by the police. He came to the window and said papers ...
I said - scissors, I ...
- Police
- I just said, “No comment” all the way ...
- Police
- The police didn't believe me when I told them I found a flying carpet.
They called the whole ...
- K-9
- Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to
find her house ransacked and burglarized. She ...
- Riot Police
- Why do riot police like to get to ...
- Lost Cat
- “Hi, police department? I’ve lost my cat and …
“Sorry lady, this is not a police job, we ...
- Two old guys
- Two old guys, Rodger and Chuck, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels ...
- The Energizer Bunny
- The Energizer Bunny, known best for "going and going and going..." passed away last evening. Upon ...
- A drunk
- A drunk phoned the police to report that thieves had broken in to his car.
'They've stolen the ...
- Blondes
- Two blondes were sitting at a table in a club, when a guy invites one of them to dance. She asks ...
- Bizarre Police Reports
- Bizarre Police Reports
In Detroit, Oregon, a hunter thought he had found a severed human head ...
- Prisoner
- A prisoner is finally released, after many years in jail. He stands at the pavement, yelling, "I'm ...
- Local Police Station
- Little Davies's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw ...
- Speed
- (Note for those unfamiliar with the British road network: 'A' roads are main, or arterial, roads ...
- Lecture
- On New Year's Eve, Daniel was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and ...
- Politicians
- One day the whole state legislature was aboard the official state bus touring a rural area. The ...
- Police
- The following were purportedly taken off of actual police car videos around the USA...
"Take ...
- Police
- Police officer talks to a driver: Your tail light is broken, your tires must be exchanged and your ...
- Things not to say to police officers
- 1. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
2. Aren't you the guy ...
- Round like a shot
- Going to bed the other night I noticed people in my shed stealing things. I phoned the police but ...
- TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GERMAN
- TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GERMAN:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
Ok ok,give them a ...
- Things To Think About
- Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
One tequila, two tequila, three ...
- Phone
- A phone gets thrown into a jail cell.
His cell mate looks at him and asks "what are you being ...
- The Philosophy of Ambiguity
- The Philosophy of Ambiguity
FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE ...
- Burn Out
- Top ten ways that you know you are suffering from "job burnout"
10. You're so tired; you now ...
- Drunk Driver
- From the State where drink driving is considered a sport, comes a true story from the Sunshine ...
- A Police Officer
- A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early ...
- Heaven and Hell
- Heaven is Where:
the Police are British, the Chefs are Italian, the Mechanics are German, the ...
- 40
- Everybody knows 40 is the new 30, right? But the police officer giving me a speeding ticket couldn ...
- Sand
- A border patrol officer is patrolling the border between the United States and Canada one night ...
- Ramblings of a Retired Mind
- I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped ...
- Cyanide
- A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide.
The pharmacist ...
- Stealing
- A woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, “What did you ...
- Spaghetti
- A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not ...
- A newly wed couple
- A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition that the best man dance with the ...
- Robber
- Why did the robber apply for a job in the police station?
Because there was a notice board outside ...
- Shop lifting
- An 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting.
When she went before the judge he asked her, " ...
- Lookout
- Did you hear the police are on the lookout for a psychic midget?
Yeah, there is a small medium ...
- Two kids
- Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. ...
- Stolen toilets
- They stole all the toilets from the Police ...
- Nudist
- A hole has been found in the nudist camp ...
- Plane Crash
- A small 1 seater plane crashed into a cemetery. Police have recovered 102 bodies so far and will ...
- 22 MPH
- Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a ...
- Fire
- This lady was at the gas station pumping gas and smoking a cigarette when her arm caught fire.
...
- Driving and Knitting
- This police officer sees an old lady at the same time so after driving next to her for awhile he ...
- Hipsters
- I met two hipsters today, they had the same outfit, shirt, trousers, even the belt!
I asked "did ...
- Mafia
- The mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that ...
- 'OLD' IS WHEN... part 2
- 'OLD' IS WHEN... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police
'OLD' IS ...
- Stopping at the Crosswalk
- The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, ...
- The wife
- A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says,' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, ...
- Pumpkin Patch
- In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, ...
- Tongue-Twister
- Police have arrested the World tongue-twister Champion.
I imagine he'll be given a tough ...
- Robbed
- A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed. The offenders had also ...
- Police
- A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says "Lady, it says here that you should be ...
- Burglar
- A man goes to the police station wanting to speak to the burglar who broke into his house the night ...
- Burglar
- A man goes to the police station wanting to speak to the burglar who broke into his house the night ...
- Speeding Ticket
- A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. ...
- Two prostitutes
- Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on the roof of their car which read, "TWO ...
- Silent
- "You have the right to remain silent."
...
- Driving and Dating
- What do driving and dating have in common?
Both end up with you being chased by the police if ...
- Bored?
- Jam miniature marshmallows up your nose and sneeze them out. See how many you can do at a time.
...
- Different degrees of blondeness
- Different degrees of blondeness
FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang ...
- Trial
- A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial - a ...
- Top 8 Morons of 2007 (So Far)
- Top 8 Morons of 2007 (So Far)
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President ...
- Shot Husband
- A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station.
“I have an interesting case ...
- Juggler
- A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. "What are those machetes ...
- Weight
- Firefighters are worth their weight in gold.
...
- Naked Bikers
- Hello,
Help!
"Send someone over quickly!" the old woman screamed into the phone. "Two ...
- Electric
- Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation. They get drunk and wake ...
- Long Line
- I come from a long line of police marksmen, except my grandfather, he was a bank robber.
He died ...
- Armed Robber
- A shop assistant tried stopping an armed robber by attacking him with a labeling gun.
Police are ...
- Police
- A police motorcycle cop stops a driver for running a red light.
The driver is a real jerk, ...
- Drunk
- A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over. He walked up to the car and saw a ...
- Broken Tail Light
- Police officer talks to a driver: Your tail light is broken, your tires must be exchanged and your ...
- Speeding
- A Woman Gets Pulled Over by a Police Officer and....
Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
- The Year's Best (actual) Headlines Of 2006:
- The Year's Best (actual) Headlines Of 2006:
Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
[hmm!]
...
- Funny News articles
- Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other ...
- The Electric Chair
- Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation, get drunk, and wake up in ...
- Juggler
- A Michigan State trooper pulled a car over on US 23 about 2 miles north of the Michigan/Indiana ...
- Pulled over
- A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over. He walked up to the car and saw a ...
- True(?)-Weird News stories
- True(?)-Weird News stories
1. Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an ...
- Drugs
- Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court on Friday before ...
- Shooting
- A man took a bullet to the face in a shooting last week. If anyone has any information please call ...
- HOW NOT TO COMMIT A BANK ROBBERY
- HOW NOT TO COMMIT A BANK ROBBERY
Here are some easy lessons gleaned from the experiences of a ...
- Wanted
- Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw ...
- Criminals
- Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw ...
