jokes about police

45 minute standoff with tiger ends when police realise its a stuffed toy
Someone did a good job on this police car
Sorry about a police officer
Paper beats rock again! #police #violation
this police officer is always willing to help #beer #waste
Just because you wear a custume doesnt mean you have special powers #superman #spiderman #police
This guy didnt even call an uber #police
Cops dont give tickets to pretty girls #police
This police report is about the worst possible crime!
A new drug fighting approach from the local police
A police officer caught beating kids on college campus
If its the thought that counts #jail
Ok, lets put things in perspective
fat police officer arrest guy
Police hit car
prisoner police transport escape
chicken crossing road police
police little kid mustang
Speeding
A cop stops a guy for speeding Cop: License and registration...It says here you need glasses! ...
Theater
This one guy was at a theater and he was sprawled out over 3 seats. The usher came by and told the ...
Police Exam
A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own ...
Police Comment Transcriptions
Police Comment Transcriptions The following 15 Police Comments were taken from actual police car ...
jail
My brother took going to jail really badly... He refused food and drinks, he spat and swore at ...
Lawyer
A man hired a lawyer when he got sued by his company for embezzlement of many millions. At the ...
Jail
Brian hit rock bottom. He was going to jail for insider trading and it couldn’t get much worse ...
Drunk
A drunk wakes up in jail and asks the first police officer he sees, "Why am I here?" The officer ...
Too much to drink
A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him ...
Court
Defendant (after being sentenced to 90 days in jail): Can I address the court? Judge: Of course. ...
Missing
A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing. The police arrive and ask for a ...
Robbed Police station
The local police station was robbed. All the toilets were taken! The police have nothing to go ...
Police
Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, “ ...
Police
I got pulled over by the police. He came to the window and said papers ... I said - scissors, I ...
Police
I just said, “No comment” all the way ...
Police
The police didn't believe me when I told them I found a flying carpet. They called the whole ...
K-9
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She ...
Riot Police
Why do riot police like to get to ...
Lost Cat
“Hi, police department? I’ve lost my cat and … “Sorry lady, this is not a police job, we ...
Two old guys
Two old guys, Rodger and Chuck, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels ...
The Energizer Bunny
The Energizer Bunny, known best for "going and going and going..." passed away last evening. Upon ...
A drunk
A drunk phoned the police to report that thieves had broken in to his car. 'They've stolen the ...
Blondes
Two blondes were sitting at a table in a club, when a guy invites one of them to dance. She asks ...
Bizarre Police Reports
Bizarre Police Reports In Detroit, Oregon, a hunter thought he had found a severed human head ...
Prisoner
A prisoner is finally released, after many years in jail. He stands at the pavement, yelling, "I'm ...
Local Police Station
Little Davies's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw ...
Speed
(Note for those unfamiliar with the British road network: 'A' roads are main, or arterial, roads ...
Lecture
On New Year's Eve, Daniel was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and ...
Politicians
One day the whole state legislature was aboard the official state bus touring a rural area. The ...
Police
The following were purportedly taken off of actual police car videos around the USA... "Take ...
Police
Police officer talks to a driver: Your tail light is broken, your tires must be exchanged and your ...
Things not to say to police officers
1. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. 2. Aren't you the guy ...
Round like a shot
Going to bed the other night I noticed people in my shed stealing things. I phoned the police but ...
Things To Think About
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. One tequila, two tequila, three ...
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GERMAN
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GERMAN: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. Ok ok,give them a ...
Phone
A phone gets thrown into a jail cell. His cell mate looks at him and asks "what are you being ...
The Philosophy of Ambiguity
The Philosophy of Ambiguity FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE ...
Burn Out
Top ten ways that you know you are suffering from "job burnout" 10. You're so tired; you now ...
Drunk Driver
From the State where drink driving is considered a sport, comes a true story from the Sunshine ...
A Police Officer
A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early ...
Heaven and Hell
Heaven is Where: the Police are British, the Chefs are Italian, the Mechanics are German, the ...
40
Everybody knows 40 is the new 30, right? But the police officer giving me a speeding ticket couldn†...
Sand
A border patrol officer is patrolling the border between the United States and Canada one night ...
Ramblings of a Retired Mind
I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped ...
Cyanide
A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide. The pharmacist ...
Stealing
A woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, “What did you ...
Spaghetti
A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not ...
A newly wed couple
A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition that the best man dance with the ...
Robber
Why did the robber apply for a job in the police station? Because there was a notice board outside ...
Lookout
Did you hear the police are on the lookout for a psychic midget? Yeah, there is a small medium ...
Shop lifting
An 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, " ...
Two kids
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. ...
Nudist
A hole has been found in the nudist camp ...
Stolen toilets
They stole all the toilets from the Police ...
Plane Crash
A small 1 seater plane crashed into a cemetery. Police have recovered 102 bodies so far and will ...
22 MPH
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a ...
Fire
This lady was at the gas station pumping gas and smoking a cigarette when her arm caught fire. ...
Driving and Knitting
This police officer sees an old lady at the same time so after driving next to her for awhile he ...
Hipsters
I met two hipsters today, they had the same outfit, shirt, trousers, even the belt! I asked "did ...
Mafia
The mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that ...
'OLD' IS WHEN... part 2
'OLD' IS WHEN... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police 'OLD' IS ...
Stopping at the Crosswalk
The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, ...
The wife
A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says,' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, ...
Pumpkin Patch
In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, ...
Tongue-Twister
Police have arrested the World tongue-twister Champion. I imagine he'll be given a tough ...
Police
A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says "Lady, it says here that you should be ...
Robbed
A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed. The offenders had also ...
Burglar
A man goes to the police station wanting to speak to the burglar who broke into his house the night ...
Burglar
A man goes to the police station wanting to speak to the burglar who broke into his house the night ...
Speeding Ticket
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. ...
Two prostitutes
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on the roof of their car which read, "TWO ...
Driving and Dating
What do driving and dating have in common? Both end up with you being chased by the police if ...
Bored?
Jam miniature marshmallows up your nose and sneeze them out. See how many you can do at a time. ...
Different degrees of blondeness
Different degrees of blondeness FIRST DEGREE A married couple were asleep when the phone rang ...
Top 8 Morons of 2007 (So Far)
Top 8 Morons of 2007 (So Far) 1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President ...
Trial
A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial - a ...
Shot Husband
A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station. “I have an interesting case ...
Juggler
A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. "What are those machetes ...
Weight
Firefighters are worth their weight in gold. ...
Naked Bikers
Hello, Help! "Send someone over quickly!" the old woman screamed into the phone. "Two ...
Electric
Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation. They get drunk and wake ...
Police
A police motorcycle cop stops a driver for running a red light. The driver is a real jerk, ...
Drunk
A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over. He walked up to the car and saw a ...
Broken Tail Light
Police officer talks to a driver: Your tail light is broken, your tires must be exchanged and your ...
Speeding
A Woman Gets Pulled Over by a Police Officer and....
Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
The Year's Best (actual) Headlines Of 2006:
The Year's Best (actual) Headlines Of 2006: Crack Found on Governor's Daughter [hmm!] ...
Funny News articles
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other ...
The Electric Chair
Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation, get drunk, and wake up in ...
Juggler
A Michigan State trooper pulled a car over on US 23 about 2 miles north of the Michigan/Indiana ...
Pulled over
A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over. He walked up to the car and saw a ...
True(?)-Weird News stories
True(?)-Weird News stories 1. Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an ...
Drugs
Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court on Friday before ...
Shooting
A man took a bullet to the face in a shooting last week. If anyone has any information please call ...
HOW NOT TO COMMIT A BANK ROBBERY
HOW NOT TO COMMIT A BANK ROBBERY Here are some easy lessons gleaned from the experiences of a ...
Wanted
Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw ...
Criminals
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw ...
Punography
I tried to catch some Fog. I mist. When chemists die, they barium. Jokes about German sausage ...
Lecture Tour with A Difference
On New Year's Eve, Daniel was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and ...
Nightclub
As a nightclub owner, I hired a pianist and a drummer to entertain my customers. After several ...
Movie
When the usher noticed a man stretched across three seats in the movie theater, he walked over and ...

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