Mother's Lessons

This was submitted to me: What my mother taught me... yep, I remember these well. <ol> <li>My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE . "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." <li>My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." <li>My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL . "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" <li>My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why." <li>My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me." <li>My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." <li>My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about." <li>My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper." <li>My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM . "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!" <li>My mother taught me about PATIENCE. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." <li>My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it." <li>My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!" <li>My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." <li>My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION . "Stop acting like your father!" <li>My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do." <li>My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. " Just wait until we get home." <li>My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!" <li>My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, They are going to freeze that way." <li>My mother taught me ESP . "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?" <li>My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." <li>My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." <li>My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father." <li>My mother taught me about my ROOTS. " Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?" <li>My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand." <li>And my favorite : my mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!" </ol>