I went into a store to buy some books about turtles. “Hardbacks?” asked the shopkeeper.”Yes,” I replied. “And they have little heads, too.”
What does the world’s top dentist get? A little plaque.
I used to be addicted to not showering. Luckily, I’ve been clean for five years.
Have you heard about Murphy’s Law? Yes. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. How about Cole’s Law? No. It’s julienned cabbage in a creamy dressing.
What did the green grape say to the purple grape? “Breathe, man! Breathe!”
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy, the other’s a little lighter.
How does a farmer mend his overalls? With cabbage patches.
Why was the tomato red? Because he saw the salad dressing.
I got my husband a fridge for his birthday. His face lit up when he opened it.
Why were they called the Dark Ages? Because there were lots of knights.