jokes about lawyers
- Trial
- At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't ...
- Judge
- "You seem to be in some distress," said the kindly judge to the witness. "Is anything the matter?"
...
- The Appeal
- It was a Tuesday when the judge passed a verdict against a certain lawyers client. On Wednesday the ...
- Disorder in the American Courts
- These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said ...
- Court quotations
- The following quotations are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts by Charles M. ...
- Signs That You Might Need A New Lawyer
- Signs That You Might Need A New Lawyer
* During the trial, you catch him playing his Gameboy.
...
- Subject: Lawyers
- Subject: Lawyers
1. The Post Office just recalled their latest stamps. They weren't working ... ...
- Dead Lawyer
- A guy phones a law firm and says, "I want to speak to my lawyer." The receptionist says, "I'm sorry, ...
- Trial
- A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial - a ...
- Legal Problems
- A man needing some legal help walks into a law firm. He asks an attorney,
"If I give you $300 per ...
- Lawyers
- What do you call one lawyer thrown off a bridge into a river?
Pollution.
What do you call all the ...
- Lawsuit
- In a trial, in a small SC town, a prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand. She ...
- Florida court
- FLORIDA COURT SETS ATHEIST HOLY DAY
In Florida, an atheist created a case against the upcoming ...
- Questions
- A man walked into a lawyers office and asked about the fee. The lawyer responded” it’s 50$ for 3 ...
- Nose
- Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a ...
- Lawyers
- What do lawyers wear ...
- Lawyer
- An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. "I want to become ...
- Two Lawyers
- Two lawyers had been stranded on a deserted island for several months. The only other thing on the ...
- Lawyers and Blondes
- A blonde and a lawyer sit next to each other on a plane. The lawyer asks her to play a game. If he ...
- Lawyer
- A Dublin lawyer died in poverty and many barristers of the city subscribed to a fund for his ...
- Lawyers Funeral
- Why do you need only two pallbearers at a lawyer's funeral?
There are only two handles on a ...
- Court
- Defendant (after being sentenced to 90 days in jail): Can I address the court?
Judge: Of course.
...
- Lawyers
- Why are lawyers buried 10 feet under?
...
- Judge
- What do you call a ...
- Lawyers
- You know it was a cold day in Washington when you see lawyers walking around with their hands in ...
- YOU know you need a Different Lawyer when ......
- * You met him in prison.
* During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.
* ...
- Settling a cow case
- A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's ...
- King Solomon
- Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit. " ...
- Lawyer Fee
- A man goes to the lawyer: “What is your fee?”
Lawyer says: “1000 US dollars for 3 ...
- Murphy's Law
- Have you heard of Murphy's Law
Yes, anything can go wrong will go wrong
What's about Cole's ...
- Lawyer
- Max was caught red handed by a police officer in the very act of burglarizing a store. He was ...
- Stealing
- A woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, “What did you ...
- Guilty or not
- A fellow’s wife went missing and being that everyone knew that he and his wife were in a big ...
- Son in Law
- A constantly nagged and harried son-in-law decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a ...
- Criminal
- When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law before the criminal gets arrested, we call him ...
- Who is worse?
- A Drunk climbs on a bar stool in a bar and screams “All lawyers are sneaky thieves.” A man ...
- Bubba
- Down South, Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is it true they're
suin' the cigarette companies ...
- Lawyer
- After drafting a will for an elderly client, the lawyer announced a fee of £50.
The client gave ...
- Sue Companies
- Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is It true theys suin them cigarette companies fer causin ...
- A Lawyer
- A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Sheriff's Deputy. He thinks that he is smarter ...
- Shop lifting
- An 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting.
When she went before the judge he asked her, " ...
- Abe
- Abe is before the judge, with his wife Sarah by his side.
Judge; "So I understand you're here ...
- Two Attorneys
- Two attorneys were walking out of a bar and a beautiful young lady walks by. One attorney turns to ...
- Last will
- A man hears from a doctor that his end is near so he heads over to a lawyer to write a will. The ...
- Speeding Judges
- Two small county judges both got arrested for speeding on the same day. Rather than call the state ...
- Lawyer
- A man hired a lawyer when he got sued by his company for embezzlement of many millions. At the ...
- The Duck
- A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Tennessee. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell ...
- A very successful Lawyer
- A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Porsche Carrera GT in front of the office, ready to ...
- Lawyer
- When do you know a lawyer is ...
- Lawyer
- To help someone before they commit a crime means you are their accomplice.
To help someone after ...
- I'm Fine
- A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was ...
- Accident
- In Louisiana, this fella, Boudreaux, had a bad vehicle accident, caused by a truck. In court, the ...
- Accident
- Clyde decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company
( ...
- Lawyer
- For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The ...
- Steal
- Judge: “Why did you steal the car?”
Man: “I had to get to work.”
Judge: “Why didn ...
- Bill
- A doctor and a lawyer were both at a reception. The lawyer noticed that people were constantly ...
- I'm fine
- Farmer Joe was in his car when he was hit by a truck. He decided his injuries from the accident ...
- Lawyer and Sperm
- Q: What do a lawyer and a sperm have in common?
A: Both have about a one in 3 million chance of ...
- 50-50
- A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. I welcome you into the family,â ...
- Deathbed
- Lying on his deathbed, the wealthy Mr. Sams was instructing his attorney on last-minute changes in ...
- Next Door
- A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a garbage man with a ...
- Hillbilly
- A Forty -Year -Old hillbilly carries a younger hillbilly into the doctors office, deposited him on ...
- Lawyer
- A lawyer dies and goes to the end of a long line at the Pearly Gates. To his surprise, St. Peter ...
- Two Bullets
- Q: You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake, and a lawyer. You have a gun with two ...
- A doctor and a lawyer
- A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by ...
- Newest son-in-law
- A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I ...
- Crabs
- A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde flight ...
- Lawyer
- A Lawyer and the Pope died at the same time, both went to heaven. They were met at the Pearly Gate ...
- Lawyers
- Why are buried 10 feet underground?
...
- Art
- A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called his client and said to him, âSaul, ...
- Lawyer
- A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead ...
- Comeback
- If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was ...
- An Irish Point of View on the Election race..
- An Irish Point of View on the Election race..
We, in Ireland , can't figure out why people are ...
- Dress
- The judge frowned at the tired robber and said, âthen you admit breaking into the same store on ...
- Lawyer
- A lawyer dies
and goes before St. Peter at the pearly gates. While St. Peter is looking through ...
- Desert Island
- Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you ...
- Business one-liners
- Horngren's Observation: Among economists, the real world is often a special case.
Hubbard's Law: ...
- Proof
- A man went to his lawyer and told him, "My neighbor owes me $500 and he wonât pay up. What should ...
- LAWS OF THE NATURAL UNIVERSE
- LAWS OF THE NATURAL UNIVERSE
Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with ...
- 500 Dollar
- A man went to his lawyer and told him, "My neighbor owes me $500 and he wonât pay up. What should ...
- Sentenced
- Sentenced
Frustrated by the routine release of women convicted of misdemeanor prostitution, one ...
- Police
- A police motorcycle cop stops a driver for running a red light.
The driver is a real jerk, ...
- Lawyer
- A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead ...
- Dead Lawyer
- A young lawyer died and was brought to heaven. Upon arriving the lawyer started protesting that itâ ...
- An Elderly Spinster
- An elderly spinster called the lawyer's office and told the receptionist she wanted to see the ...
- Estate
- A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there. ...
- Hammer
- A man is in court on trial. The judge says, "On the 3rd August, you were accused of killing your ...
- Bananas
- Why are bananas denied bail?
...
- Lawyer
- Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day.
" ...
- Definitions
- Q: What is the definition of a "lucky break"?
A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
...
- Mother in Law
- George went on a vacation to the Middle East with most of his family including his mother-in-law.
...
- The Tavern
- A tale is told about a small town that had historically been "dry," but then a local businessman ...
- Eating Grass
- A wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. ...
- The Love Dress
- A woman stopped by unannounced at her son's house. She knocked on the door, then immediately walked ...
- Jury
- A man was chosen for jury duty who really wanted to be dismissed from serving. He tried every ...
- Drugs
- Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court on Friday before ...
- Holy Land
- A man, his wife, and his mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land.
While they were there, ...
- Skunk
- What did the judge say when the skunk walked ...
- Guitars
- A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection.
Judge says, " ...
- Peanuts
- A policeman brought four boys before a judge.
"They were causing an awful lot of commotion at the ...
