jokes about lawyers

Why does this dog keep looking at my plate
Better go slow #lawyer
ditcher quick hide ditch her divorce lawyers
Trial
At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't ...
Disorder in the American Courts
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said ...
Court quotations
The following quotations are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts by Charles M. ...
Subject: Lawyers
Subject: Lawyers 1. The Post Office just recalled their latest stamps. They weren't working ... ...
The Appeal
It was a Tuesday when the judge passed a verdict against a certain lawyers client. On Wednesday the ...
Lawsuit
In a trial, in a small SC town, a prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand. She ...
Trial
A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial - a ...
Two Lawyers
Two lawyers had been stranded on a deserted island for several months. The only other thing on the ...
Florida court
FLORIDA COURT SETS ATHEIST HOLY DAY In Florida, an atheist created a case against the upcoming ...
Signs That You Might Need A New Lawyer
Signs That You Might Need A New Lawyer * During the trial, you catch him playing his Gameboy. ...
Settling a cow case
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's ...
Guilty or not
A fellow’s wife went missing and being that everyone knew that he and his wife were in a big ...
Lawyers and Blondes
A blonde and a lawyer sit next to each other on a plane. The lawyer asks her to play a game. If he ...
A very successful Lawyer
A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Porsche Carrera GT in front of the office, ready to ...
YOU know you need a Different Lawyer when ......
* You met him in prison. * During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway. * ...
The Duck
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Tennessee. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell ...
Lawyers
What do you call one lawyer thrown off a bridge into a river? Pollution. What do you call all the ...
Lawyer
A Dublin lawyer died in poverty and many barristers of the city subscribed to a fund for his ...
Last will
A man hears from a doctor that his end is near so he heads over to a lawyer to write a will. The ...
Lawyer
Max was caught red handed by a police officer in the very act of burglarizing a store. He was ...
Stealing
A woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, “What did you ...
Questions
A man walked into a lawyers office and asked about the fee. The lawyer responded” it’s 50$ for 3 ...
Lawyer
An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. "I want to become ...
Nose
Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a ...
Sue Companies
Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is It true theys suin them cigarette companies fer causin ...
I'm Fine
A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was ...
Accident
In Louisiana, this fella, Boudreaux, had a bad vehicle accident, caused by a truck. In court, the ...
Bubba
Down South, Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is it true they're suin' the cigarette companies ...
Accident
Clyde decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company ( ...
Lawyer
For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The ...
I'm fine
Farmer Joe was in his car when he was hit by a truck. He decided his injuries from the accident ...
Lawyers Funeral
Why do you need only two pallbearers at a lawyer's funeral? There are only two handles on a ...
Speeding Judges
Two small county judges both got arrested for speeding on the same day. Rather than call the state ...
Shop lifting
An 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, " ...
Lawyers
You know it was a cold day in Washington when you see lawyers walking around with their hands in ...
Lawyer
After drafting a will for an elderly client, the lawyer announced a fee of £50. The client gave ...
An Elderly Spinster
An elderly spinster called the lawyer's office and told the receptionist she wanted to see the ...
Lawyers
What do lawyers wear ...
Who is worse?
A Drunk climbs on a bar stool in a bar and screams “All lawyers are sneaky thieves.” A man ...
Lawyer Fee
A man goes to the lawyer: “What is your fee?” Lawyer says: “1000 US dollars for 3 ...
Crabs
A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde flight ...
Lawyer
A man hired a lawyer when he got sued by his company for embezzlement of many millions. At the ...
Two Attorneys
Two attorneys were walking out of a bar and a beautiful young lady walks by. One attorney turns to ...
Comeback
If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was ...
Lawyers
Why are lawyers buried 10 feet under? ...
King Solomon
Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit. " ...
Deathbed
Lying on his deathbed, the wealthy Mr. Sams was instructing his attorney on last-minute changes in ...
Police
A police motorcycle cop stops a driver for running a red light. The driver is a real jerk, ...
Bill
A doctor and a lawyer were both at a reception. The lawyer noticed that people were constantly ...
Lawyer
A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead ...
Dead Lawyer
A guy phones a law firm and says, "I want to speak to my lawyer." The receptionist says, "I'm sorry, ...
Lawyer
A lawyer dies and goes to the end of a long line at the Pearly Gates. To his surprise, St. Peter ...
Next Door
A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a garbage man with a ...
Judge
What do you call a ...
A doctor and a lawyer
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by ...
Lawyer
To help someone before they commit a crime means you are their accomplice. To help someone after ...
Legal Problems
A man needing some legal help walks into a law firm. He asks an attorney, "If I give you $300 per ...
Lawyer
A Lawyer and the Pope died at the same time, both went to heaven. They were met at the Pearly Gate ...
Eating Grass
A wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. ...
Court
Defendant (after being sentenced to 90 days in jail): Can I address the court? Judge: Of course. ...
The Bet
An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted ...
Lawyer
A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead ...
Steal
Judge: “Why did you steal the car?” Man: “I had to get to work.” Judge: “Why didnâ ...
A Lawyer
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Sheriff's Deputy. He thinks that he is smarter ...
500 Dollar
A man went to his lawyer and told him, "My neighbor owes me $500 and he won’t pay up. What should ...
Hammer
A man is in court on trial. The judge says, "On the 3rd August, you were accused of killing your ...
Dress
The judge frowned at the tired robber and said, “then you admit breaking into the same store on ...
Dead Lawyer
A young lawyer died and was brought to heaven. Upon arriving the lawyer started protesting that it†...
Proof
A man went to his lawyer and told him, "My neighbor owes me $500 and he won’t pay up. What should ...
Lawyer
When do you know a lawyer is ...
An Irish Point of View on the Election race..
An Irish Point of View on the Election race.. We, in Ireland , can't figure out why people are ...
Jury
A man was chosen for jury duty who really wanted to be dismissed from serving. He tried every ...
Drugs
Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court on Friday before ...
Two Bullets
Q: You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake, and a lawyer. You have a gun with two ...
Old Preacher
An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his Lawyer (both church members), ...
Lawyer and Sperm
Q: What do a lawyer and a sperm have in common? A: Both have about a one in 3 million chance of ...
Peanuts
A policeman brought four boys before a judge. "They were causing an awful lot of commotion at the ...
Lawyers
Why are buried 10 feet underground? ...
Desert Island
Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you ...
The Tavern
A tale is told about a small town that had historically been "dry," but then a local businessman ...
The United Way
The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful ...
Estate
A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there. ...
A newly wed couple
A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition that the best man dance with the ...
Devil
The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you, " ...
Accident
A man had been crossing a street when a car slammed into him. The pedestrian sued the motorist, ...
Definitions
Q: What is the definition of a "lucky break"? A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff. ...
Plane crash
At the site, one lone survivor sat with his back against a tree, chewing on a bone. As he tossed ...
The brothel
The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his ...
Honest
The city miser was on his death bed, as his last request he asked to be alone with his lawyer, ...
An attorney
An attorney got home late one evening, after a very taxing day trying to get a stay of execution ...
Lawyer
Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. " ...
Murder
After her conviction of murder in the second degree, the District Attorney, during her sentencing ...
What is her name?
Q. What did the lawyer name ...
The world's first Professional
A doctor, and engineer, a rabbi and a lawyer were debating who was the world's first professional. ...
Drunk
The drunken defendant appears yet again before the tired judge, who says, "You have been constantly ...
Guitars
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his collection of guitars. The judge ...
Pearly Gates
Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. ...
Bananas
Why are bananas denied bail? ...
9 months later!!!
9 months later!!! Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's ...
Most Wanted
"It was just a simple misunderstanding, your honor," testified the man charged with indecent ...

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