jokes about animals

Don’t ask Sean Connery to teach your dog
The most dangerous position for a cat to be in #stairs
Your guitar is out of tune #cat
Foxes are cat software running in dog hardware
This is not how you ride a horse
a pure bred dog #bread
This is still no attractive cat
How to scare the neighborhood kids with your dog and a shoe
The dog wants to go out
This is a weird picture of a dog with a long neck
I buy fresh vegetables every day #pig #bacon
My cat parties harder than I do!
When your cat watches too much Master Chef
Happy birthday Kelly from the dog
This cat has a side quest waiting
when youre the last cat built for the day #parts
dont be silly #cat
A cat checking in the cat hotel
Cooking with your dog
I killed this cow because it was eating your food
A dog goes incognito
Taking the horse out to ride
Dog pigs up drugs at a pharmacy
these dogs are from tech support
what happened #wolf #dog
this is probably cat logic
Cats in a fight
cat has never been fed in entire life
Picture of a girl and her dog taken from the perfect angle #centaur
Cow turns grass into steak Whats your superpower
Dogs in bread
This cat sleeps with one eye open gripping its pillow tight
If your dog poops pick it up please
We asked a cat what it would do if it where the Brits
They’re not dangerous if you raise them right #dogs #kids
No, I’m not coming to your dog’s birthday party #cat
Now thats a good fortune cookie #duck
A cats perspective
This is a great way to make your dog look dangerous! #turkeyleg
This guy is pranking his dad
A closeup of a coat looks like an animal
At least the dog seems to enjoy himself
This cat is in trouble
Cops horsing around #horse
Yoga is not for cats
How a dogs mind works
Reflection is a funny thing sometimes #bird #eagle
It killed the cat and mildly inconvenienced the horse
Go to the beach they said, itll be fun they said #dog
dancing dog on the beach
Spotted a mamma cat gently carrying her child today
This dog must be real happy!
Shaved my bird #beard
is it a bird is it a dog
A perfectly timed shot of a cow
This cat doesnt know how to drink aqwardly
this cat is doing it wrong
97% cant guess this animal!
cats will be cats even when theyre a statue
Walking two dogs can be very challenging
a dog that ran too fast
Steve Buscemis cat
A dog and his smaller buddy
The lazy fox jumped over the sheep
A girl/dog hybrid
this dog has a speciality #roofing
A hungry cat with good timing
What happens when a cat swallows a melon
Two dogs singing together
Every year 10 million dogs are killed
Back in the 90s all the dogs were let out and nobody knows who did it
the headless cat
What is in this picture #dog
If youre cold, theyre cold too
A dog jumping
Happy International Cat Day!
A crazy idea for people that want to look like theyre about to shoot their dog
This must be a very obese cat!
A cat should not lie down on a toy doll
If the earth was flat #cats
A flat tire in Alaska #dog
a precision weapon to fight the cat
a horse that spells horse
when you have to slay the ring bearer but also have to walk the dog
this cat knows how to relax #tequila
Does anybody know what kind of dog this is #moose
A dog kissing Miley Cyrus
I have to admin, Catwoman, you are not as I expected
This cat is using a scratching pole
Evolution vs Intelligent Design #wolf #dog #pug
Its going to be cold tonight #dog
this is how my dog reacts to
your silly furniture blockade cant stop me #dog
I bought a dog once and named him Stay
Australia is about cats and dogs
And I though getting you tongue stuck was bad #dog
theres a generation gap with cats
My wife says I cant have another dog
Hi, we understand you are 40 and still single #cats
its better to have eaten something #dog
Has anybody seen my dog Lucky!
this dog must be blind
My coworkers didnt appreciate this joke #fridge #cat
water for your dog
as I watched the dog chase his tail
here are some dog rules to live by!
Dogs look like kiss
Compare cats to dogs
A cat that changed his mind
A static cat
The strong independent women aisle #wine #cat #food
If you can see my wiener youre too close #dog
Pretty special when your dog leaves you a special present
Lays Couch taste, Your dog will love it
I dont think you should kiss your dog like that
Do you know why your dog is happier than you
If your dog does a poo
Stop, I cant bear these animal jokes
This dog is too lazy to care
Why is it called a vet #doctor #dog
This is how dogs prefer Easter #rabbit
The origin of the platypus explained #duck #beaver
Pig Jigsaw for sale
Im no bird expert, but #male #female
Only one animal in the zoo #shitzu #dog
A picture for those who like pics of cats
Dog eats certificate of obedience training
This cat does not want to take a bath
this dog got caught in a booby trap
The left wing and right wing belong to the same bird
No time to explain #cat #toilet
Stop asking about your cat, try the chicken #chinese #restaurant
cat teases dog with mistletoe for Christmas
horse should have told her he was stopping
 how I feel after thanksgiving fat cat
Set them free #dog
Pizza with extra sausage #dog
a perfectly timed picture of a fishing dog
that dog must yawn a lot!
a dog totally convinced about a drawing
cat poses for a perfectly timed picture
Whats wrong with this mans face #dog
cat caught in folk music environment
Have you ever seen a see through cat
cat wants to be let in the house
Pretty ironic what this dog just ate
these dogs dont like water!
this weird dog is banned from the park
this is how the ideal hotdog sandwich should look #dog
how to tell if your cat #plot #kill
when a small dogs takes the large spot
Justin Bieber visits animal shelter
 youre doing it wrong #dog #tree #fail
Perfect timed pic of a dog eating a cookie #timing
a cat trying salad #fat
Find out who loves you more, your woman or your dog
this stuff doesnt work #dog
Tastes like #ass #donkey #dog
a floor covered in political promises #cattle #horse
How to catch a cat with an emty box
Dog failing like a boss jumping a fence
Gang signs turned into cats cradle
Even grumpier cat found
a dog wondering whos a good boy
cat watches outside
Cat hiding behind a bag of catfood
dog and a baby discussing being gay
dog is glad youre home The Christmas tree fainted
two hooters in the snow, owl
dog loves grass that tickles his nipples
Batman costume made with a cat
why it takes so long to shoe a mare
holy cow in the barn, holy mackerel in the lake/sea
horse looks like john Bon jovi
framed picture of a cat says my dog
a handy device to carry your cat
telling a women to calm down works as well as trying to baptize a cat
heating up liitle pig bacon
Water for your dog
the moment my dog realizes
So you dog fetches balls
missing cat in the window
Guy walking his dog
sign for a lost dog
snoop dog posing
not sure if duck face girls are posing for a picture or
America sideways looks like a duck
cat and 3 meerk
Dog lost the ball
cats version of a super bowl
A cat that can be switched on
internet is full of cat people
guy riding a cat
dogs with their heads out the car window
Dog going down a slide
horse loves this post
cat found but its not a cat opposum
dog scared for seeing spider
dog peeing in mouth of guy in picture
I have made a huge mistake guy in horse suit attacked by lions
cat seems humans as slaves
guy taking a cow on his bike
dog caught fly but killed interior
dog mating with a pussy
cat stole kids popsicle on his fur
someone posting her cat is sick getting advice from others
cats laying in the sun with bikini
photobomb level dog
mutual pillow dog sleeping on girl sleeping on dog
dog wants to be let in so he can beg to go out
horse jumping in water
cat behind window with lost sign on it
man walking an awful lot of dogs
dog left dry spot on the patio after sleeping in the rain
dog laughing at cat
girl with cat looking like beard
dog caught his tail
bed and breakfast dog in food bowl
duck face Elmer shooting girl
creepy picture of running cat
dog pig bacon
dogs party
chicken hatching dog
duck stealing money
dog looking surprised
dog in car shotgun passenger seat
dog in car wind
cat on fan
cat and dog floating in air
dog looks like its melting
a cat smiling at a camera
cat wanting to jump has 9 lives
kid drawing on dog
why cats hate kids
two cats eating the hard way
cow with head stuck under fence gets taken by a bull
dog with cat on his head
the moment my dog decided he was done catching frisbee
snoop dog umbrella is for
girl playing tennis cat shadow
bird of pray caught goldfish
dont remember that part prince horse
cat tied up by his own leash
new facial scar in cat guy with ball in mouth
boxer dog wearing gloves
anal kingdom family fail posing at animal kingdom
dog looking weird because there is no coffee
never give up frog fighting bird
dog with cookies on his head not eating self control
thermometer cat
short run for dogs
comes with two subwoofters dog with two puppies
deep shit shut up fox between hunting dogs
Lazy dog
guy holding dog with his teeth
blue cat coughing up blue hairball
cat did not attack mouse
duck ducklings down drain
lost dog have you seen this
Parrot riding bike hungry cat looking
morning grumpy cat
dog peeing on girl sunbathing
cat jumping in air
dog misses ball fail
dog fail food poster
found brownies smiling dog
yellow black chocolate meth lab funny looking dog
laughing horse
horse stuck cow laughing smiling
biting sheep
cow fail toy car
tiger stripes cat shadow
dog shitting crap posing blonde lady
dog ball car keeping
dog grill sausage licked
adult dog store inflatable leg
Dogs
A highly timid little man, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, " ...
Woman Vs Dog
What's the difference between a dog barking on the front porch and a woman yelling on the back ...
Cat Owners
How do cat owners react when faced with a polite debate about cats that pops their bubble of "my ...
Your Duck is Dead
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the ...
Barking Dog
A blonde and her husband are lying in bed Listening to the next door neighbor's dog. It has been in ...
Pessimist and a dog
An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that ...
At the Vet
A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to ...
Cat
A man brings his cat to a veterinarian. He lives the cat there and returns in two days, as per ...
My Dog Don't Bite
A hound dog lays in the yard and an old man in overalls sits on the porch. "Excuse me, sir, but ...
5 minute management course 6
5 minute management course 6 Lesson 6 A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so ...
Dog sweater
I saw a dog wearing a sweater and I thought that looked ridiculous 'cause dogs don't have arms. If ...
The cat and the rooster
A rooster and a cat were playing by the pool. The cat fell in and the rooster laughed. The cat ...
Damn Cat
A man who hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of the animal by driving him several blocks away ...
Ten Peeves that Dogs Have About Humans
Ten Peeves that Dogs Have About Humans 1 Blaming your farts on me..... not funny... not funny at ...
Firefighter
A firefighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little girl next door ...
Cat
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder ...
Sheep
Fred walks into his house with a sheep tucked under his arm. He carries it upstairs and into the ...
Cat
I saw a poster today, somebody was asking “Have you seen my cat?” So I called the number and ...
Dogs
Two women that are dog owners are arguing about which dog is smarter.... First Woman : "My dos is ...
Perspective
If you want to keep a true perspective of your own importance, get a dog that will worship you and ...
Dog Ears
Q: What kind of dog eats with his ears? A: They all do. I haven’t seen a single dog remove ...
Dog
Joe was a steward for Fly High airlines. He watched as an older lady boarded the plane holding a ...
Cat
A man drives deep into the forest to get rid of his cat. He lets her out at an abandoned place. ...
Dead Dog
Joe was a steward for Fly High airlines. He watched as an older lady boarded the plane holding a ...
Hot Dog
What did the dog say to the hot ...
Dead Cat
The lady next door ran over my cat. She said she'd replace it, so I asked her how good she was at ...
Butt
A cat meets a fox in the forest. The fox asks the cat why she smells so dreadful. The cat ...
Cat
A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get rid of it. He drove 20 blocks away from home and ...
It Figures
A man and his son walk in the park and come upon two dogs humping. The son asks, "Dad what are ...
Jungle Cat
Why is it a bad idea to play poker with a ...
Lost Cat
“Hi, police department? I’ve lost my cat and … “Sorry lady, this is not a police job, we ...
Dogs
A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says " ...
Cat and Comma
What's the difference between a cat and a comma? A cat has its claws at the end of is paws; a ...
Words of Wisdom from Kids
Never trust a dog to watch your food. - Patrick, age 10 When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I ...
A Vet
"Darling," whispered a frail little husband from his chair. "I'm very sick, would you please call ...
Cats
Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?" Johnny: ...
Don't Kick the Animals
A boy awoke and wanted breakfast so he told his mother. She said, "Not until you feed the animals." ...
First Price
How did the cat get the first prize at a bird show? Somebody didn’t shut the champion’s cage ...
Catholic Dog
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, ...
An Englishman and an Irishman
An Englishman and an Irishman were speaking sitting in a park bench when a horrible, ugly looking ...
Women and Cats
Women and cats will do as they please, men ...
Dogs
Three people, 2 men and 1 woman, and their dogs are in the Vets waiting room. The first man's dog ...
Dog's and Cat's Diary
EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY: 8:00 a.m.Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9:30 a.m.Oh, boy! A ...
Dog and wagon
A man is walking down the street and he sees a boy riding a wagon. The boy has his dog pulling it ...
Dog Tricks
What do you call a dog that does ...
Dead Cat
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he’d found a cat, but it was dead. “How do you know that ...
Leaving the House
Husband leaves the house with the dog. Wife asks: "Are you taking the donkey for a walk?" ...
Dog IQ
A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. Here’s ...
Baby Planes
A mother and her young inquisitive son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. ...
Better
My coughing is much better now. I only set ...
Cat
“Our cat was stupid enough to drink some petrol yesterday. She spent two hours racing through the ...
Talking Dog
What’s more amazing than a ...
Owl
I know someone who talks ...
4th of July
4th of July The difference between a duck and George Washington is: One has a bill on his face; ...
Blind men
A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says " ...
Alligator
What do you call an ...
Dog
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. ...
Talking Dog
This guy walks into a bar with his golden retriever. ''Hey, can I get a drink on the house if my ...
Dead Dog
Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie whose dog, Skipper, had recently died. "You know," Mom ...
Life
On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at ...
Guard Dog
A man was very proud of his guard dog, he would leave it to roam free in the garden to sow the ...
Words
Q: What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A: A spelling bee. Q: Where do cows go for ...
Cross
Q: What happens when you cross a dog and a cheetah? A: You get a dog who chases after cars a lot ...
Baskin Robbins
Two robins were lying on their backs, basking in the sun. A mama cat and her kitten were walking ...
Jump
What dog can jump higher than a ...
Dog Chess
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the ...
Dogs
Two men, Jim and John, were walking their dogs when they passed by a restaurant. “Let’s go in ...
Cats vs Teenagers
For all of you with teenagers or who had teenagers, you may want to know why they really have a lot ...
Hot Dog
Customer: Give me a hot dog. Waiter: ...
Pet Rules
PET RULES To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height. Dear Dogs and Cats, ...
Blond
There was a blond who was tired of all the blond jokes going around and decided to dye her hair ...
Farm
A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his ...
Dog
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a dog. Sit on the couch and we will talk about it. But I'm ...
Dogs Balls
2 guys were walking down the street and saw a dog lying on a porch licking his balls. Guy 1 ...
Plants
"Some plants," said the teacher, "have the prefix 'dog'. For instance, there is the dogrose, the ...
sheep
Q: What do you call a sheep ...
New Years Eve Party
We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned ...
Dog Song
The official dogs’ song? “Every snack you take, every food you make, every can you shake, ...
Sheep
In which country do sheep ...
Cross-eyed Dog
A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said to him, "My dogs cross-eyed. Is there anything you ...
Dressed and Ready
A couple was dressed and ready to go out into the city for the evening. They turned on a night ...
The truths about life, that little children have learnt
1. No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats. 2. When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't ...
The Two Duck Hunters
ABSOLUTELY A TRUE STORY HEARD ON A WISCONSIN RADIO STATION REPORTING ON THE INCIDENT. A guy ...
Duck
A duck walks into a bar. It asks the barkeeper: “Do you have bread?” Bartender: “No.” ...
Flying Dog
A woman called our airline customer-service desk asking if she could take her dog on board. “ ...
Dog Tail
A guy was cutting the tail off his dog. His neighbor asked, "What the hell are you doing?" “My ...
12 Days of Christmas - A Cat's Rendition
12 Days of Christmas - A Cat's Rendition On the twelfth day of Christmas my human gave to me: ...
Two Nuns
Two Irish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people ...
Bird
Teacher: "Name a bird with wings but can't fly." ...
Composition
TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy ...
Difference?
What is the difference between a dog on the back porch howling and a woman on the front porch ...
Buy the Cow
For all those men who believe that there's no reason to buy the cow when you can get the milk free, ...
Cow and Grass
Teacher: "I asked you to draw a cow and grass, but I only see a cow. Where is grass?" Student: " ...
Smart Dog
A man walks into a bar, after buying a beer he looks around the bar and sees three men and a dog ...
Alligator Shoes
A blond was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, ...
Cat
A man goes on a 2-month business trip to Europe and leaves his cat with his brother. Three days ...
Duck
A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class. On it was a picture of a duck ...
Ever Wonder?
-Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? - Why women can't put on mascara with ...
Best Friend
A dog is truly a man's best friend. If you don't believe it, just try this experiment. Lock your ...
Emergency Call
There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this: Caller: Help me, ...

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