Q. What's white and goes up? A. A confused snowflake! Q. How long should a reindeer's legs be? A. Just long enough to reach the ground! Q. What is the best Christmas present in the world? A. A broken drum, you cant beat it! Q. What says, "Now you see me, now you don't, now you see me, now you don't?" A. A snowman on a cross walk! Q. What do you get if you cross Santa Claus with a duck? A. A Christmas Quacker! Q. What is green, white, and red all over? A. A sunburnt elf. Q. Which of Santa's reindeer has bad manners? A. Rude-olph! Q. What do cows say at Christmas? A. MOOey Christmas! Q. What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? A. The Christmas alphabet has NOEL! Q. What do you get if you cross mistletoe and a duck? A. A Christmas Quacker. Q. What did the ghost say to Santa Claus? A. "I'll have a boo Christmas without you." Q. What do call Santa when he stops moving? A. Santa Pause! Q. Where does a snowman keep his money? A. In a snow bank. Q. Why are Christmas trees such bad knitters? A. They are always dropping their needles. Q. Why do mummies like Christmas so much? A. Because of all the wrapping! Q. What goes in a chimney red and comes out of it black? A. Santa Claus. Q. What's white and red and goes up and down and up and down? A. Santa Claus in an elevator! Q. How do you scare a snowman? A. You get a hairdryer! Q. What do they sing under the ocean during the winter? A. Christmas Corals! Q. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? A. Nothing, it was on the house! Q. What is invisible and smells like milk and cookies? A. Santa's burps! Q. What do snowmen do on Christmas? A. Play with the snow angels. Q. Who says "Oh, Oh, Oh!"? A. Santa walking backwards! Q. What nationality is Santa Claus? A. North Polish. Q. What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed? A. A cookie sheet! Q. How did the sheep say Merry Christmas? A. "Fleece Avoided." Q. What do you call a Santa that sleeps all the time? A. Santa snores! Q. Why was Santa's helper depressed? A. He had low ELF-esteem. Q. What's a good holiday tip? A. Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter. Q. What Christmas carol is a favourite of parents? A. Silent Night. Q. What do you call a snowman in the summer? A. A puddle! Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast? A. Frosted Flakes.. Q. Why does Santa have three gardens ? A. So he can go HOE HOE HOE. Q. Why did Sponge Bob have a great Christmas? A. Because he kissed a Krabby Patty. Q. What does Santa clean his sleigh with? A. Comet. Q. What do you get when you deep fry Santa Claus? A. Crisp Kringle. Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? A. Frostbite. Q. What's black and white and red all over? A. Santa covered with chimney soot. Q. What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant? A. An ice burger with chili sauce. Q. Why is Santa so good at karate? A. Because he has a black belt! Q. Why did the candy cane cross the road? A. Because it wanted to get a licking! Q. What's the best thing to give your parents for Christmas? A. A list of everything you want! Q. Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace? A. Because he wanted to sleep like a log! Q. What do elves learn in school? A. The elf-abet. Q. If athletes get athlete's foot, then what do astronauts get? A. Missile-toe. Q. What kind of bug hates Christmas? A. A humbug. Q. What two countries should the chef use when he's making Christmas dinner? A. Turkey and Greece. Q. Who gives presents to baby sharks? A. Santa Jaws. Q. What do you get when you cross a cat with Santa Claus? A. Santa-Claws! Q. What's white, red and blue at Christmas time? A. A sad candy cane! Q. What do you call a girl with a Christmas Tree on her head? A. Carol. Q. What do you get when you eat Christmas decorations? A. Tinsilitis! Q. What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked in the sky? A. "Looks like rain, dear." Q. Why did Frosty have a carrot in his nose? A. Because he forgot where the refrigerator was. Q. What do vampires sing on New Year's Eve? A. Auld Fang Syne! Q. What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament? A. "Aren't you tired of hanging around?" Q. Why are there only snowmen and not snowwomen? A. Because only men are stupid enough to stand out in the snow without a coat. Q. What's Santa's favourite candy? A. Jolly Ranchers! Q. What did the monkey sing on Christmas day? A. Jungle bells, Jungle bells... Q. What do you call Santa Claus deep fried? A. Krisp Kringle. Q. What did the reindeer say when he saw an elf? A. Nothing, reindeer can't talk. Q. What do you call Santa when he goes down a chimney with a fire at the bottom? A. Krisp Cringle. Q. What's a good holiday tip? A. Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter. Q. What is big, red and flies in the sky? A. Santa Clause. Q. Did you hear about the cracker's Christmas party? A. It was a BANG! Q. What do you get if you cross an apple and a Christmas tree? A. Pineapple. Q. Which elf was the best singer? A. ELFis Presley. Q. What is the cleanest reindeer called? A. Comet. Q. How do you know when Santa's in the room? A. You can sense his presents. Q. What did the cow get for Christmas? A. A COWculator. Q. What's red and white, red and white, red and white? A. Santa Claus rolling down the hill. Q. What comes before Christmas Eve? A. Christmas Adam! Q. Why did Jimmy's grades drop after the holidays? A. Because everything was marked down!
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