Police

The following were purportedly taken off of actual police car videos around the USA... "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?" "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh ... did I mention that I AM the shift supervisor?" "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket." "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?" "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in goat poop." "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven." "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC." "Just how big were those two beers?" "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want." "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail." "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. ....Sign here."

For Dad

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