Accordion Jokes

An accordion is a bagpipe with pleats. Q: What is the definition of an optimist? A: An accordion player with a pager. Q: What is the difference between an Uzi and an accordion? A: The Uzi stops after 20 rounds. Q: What do accordion players use as a contraceptive? A: Their personalities. Q: What's the range of an accordion? A: Twenty yards if you've got a good arm! Q: What's a gentleman? A: Somebody who knows how to play the accordion, but doesn't. Q: What's the difference between an onion and an accordion? A: No-one cries when you chop up an accordion. Q: What's the difference between an accordion player and a terrorist? A: Terrorists have sympathisers. Q: What's the definition of perfect pitch? A: When an accordion is thrown down the toilet without it touching the sides. Q: What's the difference between an accordion and a concertina? A: The accordion takes longer to burn. Q: How do you protect a valuable instrument? A: Hide it in an accordion case. Q: What's an accordion good for? A: Learning how to fold a map. Q: What's the difference between a chainsaw and an accordion? A: A chainsaw can be tuned. Q: Why is it good that accordionists have a half-ounce more brains than horses? A: So they don't disgrace themselves in parades.