More Quips

"Earlier this week in France a 62-year-old man was rushed to the emergency room and 350 coins were removed from his stomach. Friends say that the worst part was having to watch him make change for a dollar." --Conan O'Brien "You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow THIS out.'" --Jerry Seinfeld "I bet if you were in some old west gang, and you were dragging a guy along the ground with your horse, it'd probably make you really mad to look back and see him reading a magazine." --Jack Handey