HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM IN THE SOUTH

1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots. 2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns &Ammo magazine and your NRA magazines. 3. Put a few giant-sized dog dishes next to the boots and magazine. 4. Leave a note on your door that reads: "Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim, I went for more ammunition. Back in about an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyways, I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait in your truck till I get back."