Captain

A pirate captain was telling his first mate how he got his injuries. First he points to his peg leg. "You see," he says, "I got thrown overboard in a terrible storm an' a great white shark bit off me leg before I could climb back up." "That's amazing," the first mate replies, "and what happened to your hand?" "We was boarding a ship to take its plunder an' I dueled the ship's captain. I bested him but not before he took me hand clean off. So I got a hook to replace it." The first mate was only more impressed, "So what's the story behind the eyepatch?" "A seagull pooped in me eye." "That's all? You lost your eye because a seagull pooped in it?" "Well, it was me first day with the hook."