jokes about money

Im not ugly, Im broke
I can’t unsee Rambo on this dollar bill
if youre paying 3 dollars for a bottle of smart water
A horrifying sight! #money #child #scissors
bubblebath is a waste of money #hedgehawk
Warning, machine takes money #ex #wife
My wife gave me 200 dollars for a Christmas tree
Youll save even more money if you dont buy anything on Black Friday
I dont care how much money you have
Machine takes money #ex #wife
A great lesson to teach your kids #motorcycle #drugs #money
I dont need a valentine #dollars #metabolism
I have enough money to comfortably live my life
to this day the boy bullying me at school still takes my lunch money
A five dollar note edited
2 dollars make it a meal
money can buy you a jet ski
truck moosejaw driver carries less than 50 dollars and is fully naked
advice to mom spend money on child not on slutty clothes
duck stealing money
$1999 because 20 dollars is an outrageous amount of money
hobo begging money for alcohol research
some people are so poor all they have is money
less stuff from the dollar store girl on santa's lap
tree needs money to get back to family forest
car bike run on fat save money
Smart Italian
An Italian walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan ...
Mortgae
One day Little Johnny went to his father, and asked him if he could buy him a $200 bicycle for his ...
Birthday present
For his birthday, little Joe asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, ...
Little Patrick
For his birthday Little Patrick asked for a 10 speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you ...
A frog
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is ...
Money for a new bull
A farmer went to the local bank to borrow money for a new bull. The loan was made and Banker Bill, ...
Church Finances
A Mormon Family, one Monday evening, sat around the fire place and was discussing Church Finances, ...
Greece
I met Greece's finance minister, who was looking for help regarding the situation there. He asked ...
Tattoo
Larry gets home late one night, and his wife Linda says, where in the hell have you been?" He ...
Homeless
I had an encounter with a homeless man last year that I'll never forget. That day, my boss ...
Who in the hell is Larry?
Who in the hell is Larry? Well Larry is the guy who gets home late one night and: Linda, his ...
Money Coming In
An elderly man took his little grandson for a walk around the local cemetery. Pausing before one ...
The United Way
The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful ...
A smart woman
There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money. He was a real miser ...
Childhood Sweethearts
An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married and settled down in their old ...
Twenty Dollars
"Hey, Mom," asked Little Johnny, "can you give me twenty dollars?" "Certainly not," she said. ...
Money
Late one night a mugger wearing a mask stopped a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. " ...
OLD
OLD ACADEMICS never die, they just lose their faculties OLD ACCOUNTANTS never die, they just ...
Money
"Money can’t buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery." Spike ...
Money
A couple was having a discussion about what to see and do now that they were safely in Florida on ...
Train
A scientist gets on a train to go to New York. His cabin also has a poor farmer in it. To pass the ...
Money
A bag of money can be a symbol not only of ...
Meaning of... 'potentially' and 'realistically'
A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' ...
Jump
Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to a blonde at the ...
Landlord
You know what the worst part about having a landlord is? People think it’s the money. It's so not ...
Jump or Not?
Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this blonde at ...
Mafia
The mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that ...
Computers
You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand ...
Money
Where does a fish keep his ...
Honest
The city miser was on his death bed, as his last request he asked to be alone with his lawyer, ...
Panties
There is a girl walking up the stairs in a church one day. As the priest is walking by, he looks up ...
Trucker
A trucker goes into a whorehouse and hands the Madam five hundred dollars. He says, "I want your ...
The Twenty and The One
There was this $20 dollar bill and a $1 dollar bill on the conveyor belt at the downtown Federal ...
500 Dollar
A man went to his lawyer and told him, "My neighbor owes me $500 and he won’t pay up. What should ...
Dollars
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Have you ever wondered if the one dollar bills in your wallet or purse ...
Money Talks
People say Money talks... ...
Million Dollar price
The Winning Question A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached the final ...
Coupon
I sent my young son to pick up ice cream, I handed him some money and a coupon. Later he came home ...
Bags of Money
Mr. Anderson goes to see his doctor feeling a bit unwell. The doctor checks him over and eventually ...
Gay
So, a gay man goes to church one Sunday. As the offering basket is passed, he drops in a big wad of ...
Money
This is why they take so much of our money. ...
A Family of Three
A family of three, during the late 1800's resided a few miles from a small prairie town. ...
Good Sunday Morning Material
A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!" " ...
The Sausage
Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could ...
The mule sale
Dad & Dave saw an ad in the Daily Newspaper and bought a mule for $100. The farmer agreed to ...
Post Office
There was a man who worked for the Post Office... whose job it was to process all the mail that had ...
dollar
...If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive they would eventually find me ...
Cash
In a shop for kids, Peter selects a toy car, comes to the cash desk and gives the cashier money- ...
Older Years of Resolutions...
RESOLUTION #1: 1999: I will read at least 20 good books a year. 2000: I will read at ...
A Man and his Ostrich
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their ...
Debts
The hotel proprietor takes the 100 dollar bill and runs to pay his debt to the butcher. The ...
Lie
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room. The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?" ...
$100.00
A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided ...
Help
“Sir you have got to help!” said the tearful man at the door. “There is a family that I know ...
Beggars
Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome. One has a cross in front of him; the ...
Starch in your Shorts
Grampa and Billy were working out in the garden. Grampa spies Billy trying to put a worm back ...
Morris and his wife Ester
Morris and his wife Ester went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, ' ...
Blond
A blond woman desperately needed some money, so she decided to kidnap someone. So she went to the ...
Wal-Mart
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike, "My elbow hurts like crazy. I guess I ...
Another Affair
A man walks into a nightclub one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. Certainly, Sir, ...
The Bet
An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted ...
Dumb Kid
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer,"This is the dumbest kid ...
No money for a drink
A mangy looking guy who goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "No way. I don't ...
100
Little Billy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to ...
Who Wants to Be a Millionaire
A contestant on 'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire' had reached the final plateau. If she answered the ...
HOW NOT TO COMMIT A BANK ROBBERY
HOW NOT TO COMMIT A BANK ROBBERY Here are some easy lessons gleaned from the experiences of a ...
God
John, who was in financial difficulty, walked into a church and started to pray. ''Listen God,'' ...
Lawyers and Blondes
A blonde and a lawyer sit next to each other on a plane. The lawyer asks her to play a game. If he ...
A young cowboy
A young cowboy from Wyoming goes off to college, but half way through the semester, he has ...
Social Worker
A social worker is facing a mugger with a gun. "Your money or your life!" says the mugger. "I'm ...
A woman in short Skirt
A guy is walking down the street, sees a beautiful woman with a very short skirt, approaches her ...
My Son the Vet
One Sunday, while counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of a small Florida church ...
Paint the Porch
A blonde moves to Beverly Hills, hoping to find an acting job. After a couple weeks with no luck, ...
Wonderful Church Giver
One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of a small Florida church ...
Married
Comebacks to that all time favorite question "Why Aren't You Married Yet?" You haven't asked yet. ...
Murder at WAL-MART...
Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve ...
Too Hot
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "Honey, what ...
A Travel Agency (blonde joke)
A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window, "Cruise Special -- $99!" So she ...
The brothel
The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his ...
Al and Joe
Al and Joe two guys are bungee jumping one day. Al says to Joe, "You know, we could make a lot of ...
Change
I left some change in my pants pocket. Now ...
Irish
So two Irishmen are traveling to Australia. Before they leave home, one of their dads gives them ...
Hood
A saw a man with the hood on his coat jumping up and down. People were going crazy, throwing money ...
Spaghetti
A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not ...
Donations
After church service, a little boy tells the pastor that he is going to give him a lot of money ...
Bar Stool Economics
Our Tax System Explained: Bar Stool Economics Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer ...
Things To Ponder
Things To Ponder A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water. How come ...
Broke
I have to go home this weekend for my mother's 60th birthday party, and I am broke. Now, I know it' ...
Dark in here, isn't it?
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son ...
Some things to ponder
Some things to ponder 1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow. 2 ...
The Mailman
It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all ...
Lobsters
I saw a sign at a roadside stand that read, "Lobster Tails ~ $2.00", so I stopped the car, walked ...
Where would you be
WHERE WOULD YOU BE IF: YOU HAVE ALL THE MONEY YOUR HEART DESIRES YOU HAVE NO WORRIES YOU ...
Old maids burglar
A story I'll tell of a burglar bold Who started to rob a house; He opened the window, and ...
Under my Bed
A man went to a psychiatrist and said, "Doctor, I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I ...
Giving Birth
A young lady in the maternity ward, just prior to labor, is asked by the midwife if she would like ...
Jocks vs Nerds
$ Michael Jordan having "retired," with $40 million in endorsements, makes $178,100 a day, working ...
Fortune Teller
I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money. Last night I did ...
Banking humour
I had a bunch of American dollars I needed to exchange so I went to the currency exchange window at ...
Ass
A pastor wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse ...

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