jokes about cars
- Tires
- What do you do with a car whose wheels ...
- Crows
- Recently biologists have noted that more crows have been getting killed by vehicles on major ...
- Washing Car
- A father was washing his car with his son and the son asked,
“Dad, can’t you just use a sponge? ...
- New Truck
- One day, Jimmy Joe was walking down Main Street when he saw his
buddy Bubba driving a brand new ...
- Truck
- Aboard the USS TARAWA for six months, my brother Don posted a picture of his beloved
truck in his ...
- Street Crossing
- There's a man trying to cross the street. As he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the ...
- Bridge
- A truck driver is driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads “Low Bridge Ahead.” ...
- A Roadway driver
- A Roadway driver is driving east on Route 66 he sees a truck driving west and the CB crackles to ...
- Firefighter
- A firefighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little girl next door ...
- Blonde Car Accident
- One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck. The truck's driver made her ...
- On a flight from New York to Paris
- On a flight from New York to Paris, soon after take-off the pilot announces: "I'm sorry, but we ...
- Really No Comparison
- A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a ...
- Car names I
- ACURA
Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile
Asia's Curse Upon Rural America
AMC
All ...
- A Trucker
- As a Minnesota trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs ...
- Bicycle
- I called the bicycle factory and asked to speak to whoever was in charge of wheels. The person who ...
- A blonde Lady Motorist
- A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose ...
- Pedro
- Pedro drives up to the border and is stopped by border patrol. "Name?" asks the customs officer ...
- Car Names
- BMW
Bavarian Manure Wagon
SATURN
Sorry about that unusual rattling noise
FIAT
Feeble ...
- The Norwegian Volunteer Fire Dept.
- One dark night outside a small town near Poulsbo,Washington, a fire started inside the local ...
- A young guy from Missouri
- A young guy from Missouri moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under the roof department ...
- Man
- A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three very large, leathered bikers walked in. ...
- Because I'm a Man - I
- Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the ...
- Ranchers
- A Texas Cattle Rancher and an Illinois Farmer were debating on who had the biggest spread of land. ...
- Problems
- The guy at the car dealership said the vehicle I inquired about would seat 5 people without any ...
- Rich Neighbor
- My rich neighbor wanted to invite us over to his spur-of-the-mill party. He asked where we were, ...
- The Pink and White joke.
- There once was a man, and everything he owned was pink and white. He had a pink and white car, a ...
- 3 Guys
- 3 guys were riding in a car: a hardware technician, a systems analyst, and a programmer. The ...
- Learn Chinese in 5 minutes
- Learn Chinese in 5 minutes (You MUST read them aloud) English - Chinese
That's not right! ...
- Bad economy
- The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in themail.
The economy is so bad I ...
- A very successful Lawyer
- A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Porsche Carrera GT in front of the office, ready to ...
- Why Men don't write advice colums
- Why Men don't write advice colums...
Dear Walter,
I hope you can help me here. The other ...
- The truck stop
- A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, I want three flat tires, a ...
- Life in a mental hospital
- Life in a mental hospital
A nurse walks into a room and sees a patient pretending he's driving a ...
- I've sure gotten old!
- I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought ...
- Thank God
- I've sure gotten old. I've had two By-pass surgeries. A hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate ...
- Why men don't write advice to the lovelorn columns
- Why men don't write advice to the lovelorn columns:
Dear Walter:
I hope you can help me ...
- ID
- An Arkansas trooper pulled over a pickup truck.
The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"
The driver ...
- Automobile Acronyms
- AUDI
Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
BMW
Bought My Wife
BUICK
Big Ugly Indestructible ...
- Parrot Talk
- One day a guy walked into a pet store to buy a parrot.
He found one that he liked and went up to ...
- Accident
- In Louisiana, this fella, Boudreaux, had a bad vehicle accident, caused by a truck. In court, the ...
- Leather ....
- When a woman wears leather clothing,
a man's heart beats quicker,
his throat gets dry,
...
- I'm fine
- Farmer Joe was in his car when he was hit by a truck. He decided his injuries from the accident ...
- Buy the Bull
- A brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects a bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man ...
- SMART ASS ANSWERS according to Reader's Digest
- Smart Ass Answer #5:
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. ...
- Gates vs. GM
- At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the ...
- Running Late
- I told my boss I was running late.
"Unless your ambition is to be fired," he said, "I want you ...
- A Riddle
- A Riddle
You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a valley and on ...
- Leather dress
- When a woman wears a leather dress
A man's heart beats quicker,
He goes weak in the knees,
...
- Stolen car
- A young man from Georgia came running in the restaurant and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody
...
- Smart Ass Answers
- SMART ASS ANSWER #6
It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline.
"Would you like dinner?" ...
- Country Song
- What happens when you play a country song ...
- Old Joe
- A farmer is in the middle of plowing his field when his tractor runs out of gas. He needs to get ...
- Fertilizer
- A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer. A little boy, playing in front of ...
- Bizarre Police Reports
- Bizarre Police Reports
In Detroit, Oregon, a hunter thought he had found a severed human head ...
- Car Problem
- There are four engineers traveling in a car; a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, an ...
- Arkansas's Rules
- Arkansas's Rules
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Let's get this ...
- Two Married Buddies
- Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I ...
- gripe sheet
- After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics ...
- Milk
- What has one horn and ...
- Earring
- A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. The guy knows ...
- Old computer / Car joke
- At a recent computer expo (1996 COMDEX), Bill Gates compared the computer industry to the ...
- The Two Duck Hunters
- ABSOLUTELY A TRUE STORY HEARD ON A WISCONSIN RADIO STATION REPORTING ON THE
INCIDENT.
A guy ...
- I'm Fine
- A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was ...
- Helicopter
- A helicopter carrying passengers suddenly looses engine power and the aircraft begins to decent. ...
- American Way of Robbery
- True Stories of Some of the Dumbest Crooks on Earth:
Kentucky (where else?): Two men tried to ...
- Accident
- Clyde decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company
( ...
- You may find this helpful around the house/garage....
- You may find this helpful around the house/garage....
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful ...
- Golfing With the Mob
- Two strangers meet on a golf course and decide to play together.
One man says, "I'm a salesman. ...
- Your Yearly Dementia Test:
- Your Yearly Dementia Test :
It's that time of year for us to take our annual senior citizen ...
- Blonde Story
- A True Story.... if she had killed herself -- God forbid -- she'd be a shoe-in for the Darwin Award. ...
- Chicago
- A man was telling his co-worker one day that the company was transferring him to Chicago. He ...
- Brain Exercise
- Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important ...
- HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM IN THE SOUTH
- 1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16
work boots.
2. Place them ...
- String
- A piece of string goes into a bar and orders a Martini. Bartender says, “Hey guy, can’t you ...
- The North and South
- The North and South
The North has Bloomingdale's, the South has Dollar General.
The North ...
- Widow
- Two salesmen are traveling in the country when their car breaks down. The only house around for ...
- Duck
- A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class. On it was a picture of a duck ...
- Ride Damage Survey
- This practical joke is best done to people who are truly anal about their car, truck, whatever. The ...
- Online Study
- Apparently a bunch of crows have been dying lately. One ornithologist linked their deaths to ...
- New Orleans
- Jack was sitting in an airplane when another guy took the seat beside him.
Jack noticed that the ...
- Ugly People
- A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. As they ...
- Race
- An American automobile company and a Japanese auto company decided to have a competitive boat race ...
- His execution
- A man is working on the busses in the US collecting tickets. He rings the bell for the driver to ...
- Blond Rancher
- A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, ...
- Top 10 Reasons to Know You're a Redneck
- 1. Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife.
2. You wear specific hats to farm sales, ...
- Cowboy rules
- Cowboy rules for:
Arizona, Texas , Oklahoma, Colorado , New Mexico , Wyoming , Montana , Utah ...
- A Trucker
- A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a ...
- Car names II
- GM
General Maintenance
Great Mistake
Garbage Motors
Generally Miserable
Grossly ...
- Irish Radio
- On Irish radio there is a guy called Larry Gogan who has been running the "Just-a-Minute quiz" ...
- Perfect Marriage
- RED SKELTON'S Recipe for the Perfect Marriage:
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, ...
- Oil Change instructions
- Oil Change instructions for women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles ...
- Dead
- A kid, about 5 or 6 years old, woke up one night at 4 in the morning screaming. His mother rushed ...
- Idiot Sighting
- IDIOT SIGHTING: Hubby and I had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that ...
- How to carry it all
- A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he ...
- HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
- HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
( 1 ) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, ...
- Beans
- During lunch at work, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn't). When I got home, my ...
- This Guy Knows Math
- This Guy Knows Math
I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver, who cut ...
- From A Mother With Love
- Dear Child,
I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast.
We don't live ...
- Moral
- A teacher gave her 5th grade class an assignment: They were to have their parents tell them a story ...
- A new sign
- A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ...
