jokes about cars
- Tires
- What do you do with a car whose wheels ...
- Blonde Car Accident
- One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck. The truck's driver made her ...
- Bridge
- A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." ...
- Bridge
- A truck driver is driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads “Low Bridge Ahead.” ...
- Car Names
- BMW
Bavarian Manure Wagon
SATURN
Sorry about that unusual rattling noise
FIAT
Feeble ...
- Best salesman, ever!
- A young man from Nebraska moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department ...
- 3 Guys
- 3 guys were riding in a car: a hardware technician, a systems analyst, and a programmer. The ...
- Car names I
- ACURA
Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile
Asia's Curse Upon Rural America
AMC
All ...
- Crows
- Recently biologists have noted that more crows have been getting killed by vehicles on major ...
- Truck
- Aboard the USS TARAWA for six months, my brother Don posted a picture of his beloved
truck in his ...
- A Trucker
- As a Minnesota trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs ...
- Car Problem
- There are four engineers traveling in a car; a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, an ...
- New Truck
- One day, Jimmy Joe was walking down Main Street when he saw his
buddy Bubba driving a brand new ...
- Gates vs. GM
- At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the ...
- Stolen car
- A young man from Georgia came running in the restaurant and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody
...
- A Riddle
- A Riddle
You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a valley and on ...
- Bicycle
- I called the bicycle factory and asked to speak to whoever was in charge of wheels. The person who ...
- Because I'm a Man - I
- Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the ...
- A Roadway driver
- A Roadway driver is driving east on Route 66 he sees a truck driving west and the CB crackles to ...
- Automobile Acronyms
- AUDI
Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
BMW
Bought My Wife
BUICK
Big Ugly Indestructible ...
- Observing
- A lady was driving along and observes a truck driver pull to the side of the road. He pulls out a ...
- A blonde Lady Motorist
- A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose ...
- Never ask a woman
- The wife told her husband the oil light is on in the car. He told her to get some oil and add it to ...
- First Car
- A guy buys his first car at a dealership and doesn't know how to start it, he ask the car dealer " ...
- Ride Damage Survey
- This practical joke is best done to people who are truly anal about their car, truck, whatever. The ...
- Old computer / Car joke
- At a recent computer expo (1996 COMDEX), Bill Gates compared the computer industry to the ...
- Firefighter
- A firefighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little girl next door ...
- New car
- I just bought an expensive car, only to find the reverse gear broken.
There’s no going back ...
- New Car
- I got a new car for my ...
- Why Men don't write advice colums
- Why Men don't write advice colums...
Dear Walter,
I hope you can help me here. The other ...
- Old Joe
- A farmer is in the middle of plowing his field when his tractor runs out of gas. He needs to get ...
- Taxi
- Man runs out of the hotel and calls to the doorman "call me a taxi"
Doorman turns and says "you ...
- Milk
- What has one horn and ...
- A couple in a Car
- A cop was patrolling at night in a well-known spot. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior ...
- Ranchers
- A Texas Cattle Rancher and an Illinois Farmer were debating on who had the biggest spread of land. ...
- Why men don't write advice to the lovelorn columns
- Why men don't write advice to the lovelorn columns:
Dear Walter:
I hope you can help me ...
- SMART ASS ANSWERS according to Reader's Digest
- Smart Ass Answer #5:
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. ...
- Spaghetti Car
- My mom laughed at me when I said I was going to build a car out of spaghetti.
You should have seen ...
- Slippers
- There's a dodgy looking man standing by my car with slippers on.
He seems confused as to why my ...
- On a flight from New York to Paris
- On a flight from New York to Paris, soon after take-off the pilot announces: "I'm sorry, but we ...
- Washing Car
- A father was washing his car with his son and the son asked,
“Dad, can’t you just use a sponge? ...
- A very successful Lawyer
- A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Porsche Carrera GT in front of the office, ready to ...
- ID
- An Arkansas trooper pulled over a pickup truck.
The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"
The driver ...
- Really No Comparison
- A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a ...
- Driver
- What did they call the race car driver who won with a hen strapped to the hood of his car?
Number ...
- Thunderstorm
- After a severe thunderstorm farmer notices a fire has started in his field.
He tries putting it ...
- Senior Driving
- As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife' ...
- Girlfriend
- Anytime you see a young man open a car door for his girlfriend, either the car is new or the ...
- Bizarre Police Reports
- Bizarre Police Reports
In Detroit, Oregon, a hunter thought he had found a severed human head ...
- Smart Ass Answers
- SMART ASS ANSWER #6
It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline.
"Would you like dinner?" ...
- Car Seat
- My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers ...
- Pedro
- Pedro drives up to the border and is stopped by border patrol. "Name?" asks the customs officer ...
- Smart Car
- So a Hipster goes into an auto parts store and asks for a fuel cap for his Smart Car.
The sales ...
- Carburetor
- Wife: “There’s trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor.”
Husband: “Water in ...
- Country Song
- What happens when you play a country song ...
- No Problem
- Car salesman: the car you are interested in can seat six people without any problems.
Me: I don ...
- Leather dress
- When a woman wears a leather dress
A man's heart beats quicker,
He goes weak in the knees,
...
- Stay
- This guy pulls into a crowded parking lot and rolled down the car windows to make sure his dog had ...
- The Car
- Wife:"honey, I have good and bad news about the car"
Husband:"give me the good news first"
Wife:" ...
- The Norwegian Volunteer Fire Dept.
- One dark night outside a small town near Poulsbo,Washington, a fire started inside the local ...
- Driver less Car
- Kelly was standing in front of Cohanâs Tavern when he saw a driver less car rolling slowly down ...
- Turn back your car odometer
- A blonde made several attempts to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems finding a ...
- Leather ....
- When a woman wears leather clothing,
a man's heart beats quicker,
his throat gets dry,
...
- Used cars
- It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds.
As he was checking a used ...
- Man
- A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three very large, leathered bikers walked in. ...
- A snail
- A snail owned a car and was painting a big letter 'S' on it. His friend the turtle saw him and ...
- Drunk
- A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over. He walked up to the car and saw a ...
- A small Town
- It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds. As he was checking a used car ...
- Parrot Talk
- One day a guy walked into a pet store to buy a parrot.
He found one that he liked and went up to ...
- Pulled over
- A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over. He walked up to the car and saw a ...
- I'm fine
- Farmer Joe was in his car when he was hit by a truck. He decided his injuries from the accident ...
- The Pink and White joke.
- There once was a man, and everything he owned was pink and white. He had a pink and white car, a ...
- A new sign
- A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ...
- Oil Change instructions
- Oil Change instructions for women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles ...
- Street Crossing
- There's a man trying to cross the street. As he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the ...
- MALE VS. FEMALE
- MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE
A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
'Please note that this ...
- Buy a Car
- One day a rich famous man went to buy a sport car from a dealership. The price of the car was $80000 ...
- Life in a mental hospital
- Life in a mental hospital
A nurse walks into a room and sees a patient pretending he's driving a ...
- Bad economy
- The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in themail.
The economy is so bad I ...
- Widow
- Two salesmen are traveling in the country when their car breaks down. The only house around for ...
- The North and South
- The North and South
The North has Bloomingdale's, the South has Dollar General.
The North ...
- Cash
- In a shop for kids, Peter selects a toy car, comes to the cash desk and gives the cashier money- ...
- Ploughing the land
- A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came ...
- Car won't Start
- Wife calls her husband and says, âDarling, the car is broken, it wonât start.â
âWhat?! Itâ ...
- The truck stop
- A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, I want three flat tires, a ...
- Blonde and Car
- This guy was driving in a car with a blonde.
He told her to stick her head out the window and ...
- Two prostitutes
- Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on the roof of their car which read, "TWO ...
- Bad Day
- I rear ended a car this morning...
I knew it was going to be a REALLY bad day.
The driver got out ...
- Car for women
- Renault and Ford are working on a new small car for women.
They are mixing the Clio and the ...
- Thank God
- I've sure gotten old. I've had two By-pass surgeries. A hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate ...
- Did You Know
- Did You Know
That the words race car spelled backward spells race car..
That eat is the ...
- I've sure gotten old!
- I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought ...
- Perfect Marriage
- RED SKELTON'S Recipe for the Perfect Marriage:
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, ...
- A young guy from Missouri
- A young guy from Missouri moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under the roof department ...
- Golfing With the Mob
- Two strangers meet on a golf course and decide to play together.
One man says, "I'm a salesman. ...
- Car names II
- GM
General Maintenance
Great Mistake
Garbage Motors
Generally Miserable
Grossly ...
- Straight Line
- A cop is doing standard patrol when he notices a car swerving all over the road. He quickly turns ...
- Arkansas's Rules
- Arkansas's Rules
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Let's get this ...
- Walk the Line
- A cop is doing standard patrol when he notices a car swerving all over the road. He quickly turns ...
- I'm Fine
- A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was ...
