jokes about cars

If your car falls through the ice, please do this
This toy car caused a bad crash
these guys locked their keys in an armoured truck
This car owner saw it coming
this is not how you refill a fire truck
This man didnt quite get it
It was too hot for this ice truck
Im not a fireman, but I dont think thats how you refill a fire truck
there are no shortcuts #fail #truck #accident
hotmail arrived #truck #fire
Cop pulls over dunkin donut truck
I want to steal a donut truck
truck moosejaw driver carries less than 50 dollars and is fully naked
fire truck on fire
faces on road truck and helicopter
hone to Jason, secret sign on back of truck
low bridge truck with toilets
Street Crossing
There's a man trying to cross the street. As he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the ...
New Truck
One day, Jimmy Joe was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new ...
Truck
Aboard the USS TARAWA for six months, my brother Don posted a picture of his beloved truck in his ...
Bridge
A truck driver is driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads “Low Bridge Ahead.” ...
A Roadway driver
A Roadway driver is driving east on Route 66 he sees a truck driving west and the CB crackles to ...
Firefighter
A firefighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little girl next door ...
Blonde Car Accident
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck. The truck's driver made her ...
On a flight from New York to Paris
On a flight from New York to Paris, soon after take-off the pilot announces: "I'm sorry, but we ...
Really No Comparison
A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a ...
Car names I
ACURA Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile Asia's Curse Upon Rural America AMC All ...
Bicycle
I called the bicycle factory and asked to speak to whoever was in charge of wheels. The person who ...
A Trucker
As a Minnesota trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs ...
A blonde Lady Motorist
A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose ...
Pedro
Pedro drives up to the border and is stopped by border patrol. "Name?" asks the customs officer ...
Car Names
BMW Bavarian Manure Wagon SATURN Sorry about that unusual rattling noise FIAT Feeble ...
The Norwegian Volunteer Fire Dept.
One dark night outside a small town near Poulsbo,Washington, a fire started inside the local ...
A young guy from Missouri
A young guy from Missouri moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under the roof department ...
Man
A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three very large, leathered bikers walked in. ...
Because I'm a Man - I
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the ...
Ranchers
A Texas Cattle Rancher and an Illinois Farmer were debating on who had the biggest spread of land. ...
3 Guys
3 guys were riding in a car: a hardware technician, a systems analyst, and a programmer. The ...
Bad economy
The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in themail. The economy is so bad I ...
Learn Chinese in 5 minutes
Learn Chinese in 5 minutes (You MUST read them aloud) English - Chinese That's not right! ...
A very successful Lawyer
A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Porsche Carrera GT in front of the office, ready to ...
Why Men don't write advice colums
Why Men don't write advice colums... Dear Walter, I hope you can help me here. The other ...
The truck stop
A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, I want three flat tires, a ...
Life in a mental hospital
Life in a mental hospital A nurse walks into a room and sees a patient pretending he's driving a ...
I've sure gotten old!
I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought ...
Parrot Talk
One day a guy walked into a pet store to buy a parrot. He found one that he liked and went up to ...
Thank God
I've sure gotten old. I've had two By-pass surgeries. A hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate ...
Why men don't write advice to the lovelorn columns
Why men don't write advice to the lovelorn columns: Dear Walter: I hope you can help me ...
ID
An Arkansas trooper pulled over a pickup truck. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?" The driver ...
Automobile Acronyms
AUDI Accelerates Under Demonic Influence BMW Bought My Wife BUICK Big Ugly Indestructible ...
Accident
In Louisiana, this fella, Boudreaux, had a bad vehicle accident, caused by a truck. In court, the ...
Leather ....
When a woman wears leather clothing, a man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, ...
I'm fine
Farmer Joe was in his car when he was hit by a truck. He decided his injuries from the accident ...
Buy the Bull
A brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects a bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man ...
SMART ASS ANSWERS according to Reader's Digest
Smart Ass Answer #5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. ...
Gates vs. GM
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the ...
A Riddle
A Riddle You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a valley and on ...
Leather dress
When a woman wears a leather dress A man's heart beats quicker, He goes weak in the knees, ...
Stolen car
A young man from Georgia came running in the restaurant and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody ...
Smart Ass Answers
SMART ASS ANSWER #6 It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline. "Would you like dinner?" ...
Country Song
What happens when you play a country song ...
Old Joe
A farmer is in the middle of plowing his field when his tractor runs out of gas. He needs to get ...
Fertilizer
A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer. A little boy, playing in front of ...
Bizarre Police Reports
Bizarre Police Reports In Detroit, Oregon, a hunter thought he had found a severed human head ...
Car Problem
There are four engineers traveling in a car; a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, an ...
Arkansas's Rules
Arkansas's Rules 1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot. 2. Let's get this ...
Two Married Buddies
Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I ...
gripe sheet
After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics ...
Milk
What has one horn and ...
Earring
A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. The guy knows ...
Old computer / Car joke
At a recent computer expo (1996 COMDEX), Bill Gates compared the computer industry to the ...
The Two Duck Hunters
ABSOLUTELY A TRUE STORY HEARD ON A WISCONSIN RADIO STATION REPORTING ON THE INCIDENT. A guy ...
I'm Fine
A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was ...
Helicopter
A helicopter carrying passengers suddenly looses engine power and the aircraft begins to decent. ...
American Way of Robbery
True Stories of Some of the Dumbest Crooks on Earth: Kentucky (where else?): Two men tried to ...
Accident
Clyde decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company ( ...
You may find this helpful around the house/garage....
You may find this helpful around the house/garage.... DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful ...
Golfing With the Mob
Two strangers meet on a golf course and decide to play together. One man says, "I'm a salesman. ...
Your Yearly Dementia Test:
Your Yearly Dementia Test : It's that time of year for us to take our annual senior citizen ...
Chicago
A man was telling his co-worker one day that the company was transferring him to Chicago. He ...
Blonde Story
A True Story.... if she had killed herself -- God forbid -- she'd be a shoe-in for the Darwin Award. ...
Brain Exercise
Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important ...
HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM IN THE SOUTH
1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots. 2. Place them ...
The North and South
The North and South The North has Bloomingdale's, the South has Dollar General. The North ...
Widow
Two salesmen are traveling in the country when their car breaks down. The only house around for ...
Duck
A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class. On it was a picture of a duck ...
Ride Damage Survey
This practical joke is best done to people who are truly anal about their car, truck, whatever. The ...
Online Study
Apparently a bunch of crows have been dying lately. One ornithologist linked their deaths to ...
New Orleans
Jack was sitting in an airplane when another guy took the seat beside him. Jack noticed that the ...
Ugly People
A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. As they ...
His execution
A man is working on the busses in the US collecting tickets. He rings the bell for the driver to ...
Race
An American automobile company and a Japanese auto company decided to have a competitive boat race ...
Blond Rancher
A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, ...
Top 10 Reasons to Know You're a Redneck
1. Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife. 2. You wear specific hats to farm sales, ...
Cowboy rules
Cowboy rules for: Arizona, Texas , Oklahoma, Colorado , New Mexico , Wyoming , Montana , Utah ...
A Trucker
A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a ...
Car names II
GM General Maintenance Great Mistake Garbage Motors Generally Miserable Grossly ...
Irish Radio
On Irish radio there is a guy called Larry Gogan who has been running the "Just-a-Minute quiz" ...
Perfect Marriage
RED SKELTON'S Recipe for the Perfect Marriage: 1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, ...
Oil Change instructions
Oil Change instructions for women: 1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles ...
Dead
A kid, about 5 or 6 years old, woke up one night at 4 in the morning screaming. His mother rushed ...
Idiot Sighting
IDIOT SIGHTING: Hubby and I had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that ...
How to carry it all
A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he ...
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? ( 1 ) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, ...
Beans
During lunch at work, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn't). When I got home, my ...
This Guy Knows Math
This Guy Knows Math I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver, who cut ...
From A Mother With Love
Dear Child, I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast. We don't live ...
Moral
A teacher gave her 5th grade class an assignment: They were to have their parents tell them a story ...
A new sign
A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads: Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ...
MALE VS. FEMALE
MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads: 'Please note that this ...
Top 8 Morons of 2007 (So Far)
Top 8 Morons of 2007 (So Far) 1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President ...
Let it Rip
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but ...
You might be an engineer if...
You might be an engineer if... You and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the ...
The Senator
While walking down the street one day, a senator is tragically hit by a truck and killed. His soul ...
WD-40
I had a neighbor who had bought a new pickup. I got up very early one Sunday morning and saw that ...
Heaven or Hell
While walking down the street one day, a political head of state is tragically hit by a truck and ...
What's going on in the car forums?
What's going on in the car forums? Bentley Forums - - - I used the ash tray today. How do I ...

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