Things Not To Say During Childbirth....

-- Gosh, you're lucky. I sure wish men could experience the miracle of childbirth. -- Do you think the baby will come before Monday Night Football starts? -- I hope your ready. The Glamour Shot photographer will be here in fifteen minutes. -- If you think this hurts, I should tell you about the time I twisted my ankle playing basketball. -- That was the kids on the phone. Did you have anything planned for dinner? -- When you lay on your back, you look like a python that swallowed a wild boar. -- You don't need an epidural. Just relax and enjoy the moment. -- This whole experience kind of reminds me of an episode from I Love Lucy. -- Oops! Which cord was I supposed to cut? -- Stop your swearing and just breathe. -- Remember what we learned in Lamaze class! HEE HEE HOO HOO. You're not using the right words. -- Your stomach still looks like there's another one in there.