Man of the house
The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE.
He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, 'From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is LAW.
You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax.
You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe... Then, you will massage my feet and hands.
Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and do my hair?'
Without even looking up from her morning paper the wife replied, 'The frickin' funeral director would be my first guess.'