Coffee

You’ve Been Drinking Too Much Coffee When…. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer. You lick your coffeepot clean. You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee. You’ve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers. People get dizzy just watching you. Instant coffee takes too long. You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can. You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee. You’re offended when people use the word “brew” to mean beer. You name your cats “Cream” and “Sugar.” You get drunk just so you can sober up. Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position. You can outlast the Energizer bunny. You don’t even wait for the water to boil anymore. You introduce your spouse as your “Coffee-mate.” You think CPR stands for “Coffee Provides Resuscitation.”