When Nature Calls

What to say when nature calls in a polite but understanding society? 1. Pray excuse me, I have a stool appointment. 2. Please excuse me while I go check the plumbing. 3. Pardon me, I have 6 pounds of boneless mass to get rid of. 4. Excuse me please, I have to go hide a treasure. 5. I'm sorry, I have to quickly disable alarm level brown. 7. Excuse me while I go on a ride on the porcelain steamer. 10. I'll be right back, I just have to quickly set free a good friend of mine. 12. Excuse me, I have to excrete.