60 above - Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wooly hats. Chicago people sunbathe. 50 above - New Yorkers try to turn on the heat. Chicago people plant gardens. 40 above - Italian cars won't start. Chicago people drive with the windows down. 32 above - Distilled water freezes. Lake Michigan's water gets thicker. 20 above - Californians shiver uncontrollably. Chicago people have the last cookout before it gets cold. 15 above - New York landlords finally turn up the heat. Chicago people throw on a sweatshirt. 0 degrees - Californians fly away to Mexico. Chicago people lick the flagpole and throw on a light jacket over the sweatshirt. 20 below - People in Miami cease to exist. Chicago people get out their winter coats. 40 below - Hollywood disintegrates. Chicago's Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door. 60 below - Polar bears begin to evacuate Antarctica. Chicago's Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough. 80 below - Mount St. Helen's freezes. Chicago people rent some videos. 100 below - Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Chicago people get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg. 297 below - Microbial life survives on dairy products. Illinois cows complain of farmers with cold hands. 460 below - ALL atomic motion stops. Chicago people start saying. . ."Cold 'nuff for ya??" 500 below - Hell freezes over. The Chicago Cubs win the World Series.
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