A golfer is cupping his hand to scoop water from a Highland burn on the St Andrews course.
A groundskeeper shouts: "Dinnae drink tha waater! Et's foo o' coo's shite an pish!"
The golfer replies: "My Good fellow, I'm from England . Could you repeat that for me, in English!?"
The keeper replies: "I said, use two hands - you'll spill less that way!"