Hair

Upset Pirate

A pirate goes to see his doctor on account that he's been feeling down and depressed after losing his wife, Mary, at sea. Pirate: "Ahoy matey, Avast ye (listen ere doc)... I've been feeling like the lowest form of bilge rat that you could possibly imagine. I don't feel right ever since I lost my bootyfull wife, Mary. And now, it seems, I may never get back to normal. I've been sleeping all day, I've lost my appetite and I cry uncontrollably at the drop of a tricorn (pirates hat)." Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!! Cries the upset pirate. "It's not just that. You see - my crew has started to become dangerously angry with me as they depend on me for work. They rely on me to sail the seas and to capture treasures to feed their families - but in this state, I can't step a peg leg back on that foulsome casket of a ship." He continues... "You see doc, it was a terribly dark and stormsen night. The worst I've ever seen. Came right out of nowhere it did! Our beautiful vessel, tight and lovely as she is, took the beating of her life - toing and froing, in the harsh stormy waves to the point of near destruction. Nearly cracked in half she did!" The pirate sighed before continuing on... "So whilst I kept at the helm to navigate those terribly beastful, mountainous waves... our Mary, bless her little cotton socks, went on deck to help mi swabs batten down the hatches... and that's when it happened doc!" The pirate starts to blub into his old gray beard... "that's when it took her. Swallowed her up it did, swallowed her up forevermore. Gone forever" "Aaaarrrrgģghhhh!!!!". Shouted the pirate... "What a scurvy dog!!!!". Doc: "oh my word, what a ferocious and unforgiving master"! Once more the pirate starts blubbing heavily, with tears running endlessly down his tired and wrinkled face, across his vieny red cheeks and into his dirty gray beard. Taken aback by the story of such terrible happenings the doctor scratches his head a while whilst deliberating how best to help the upset pirate. After a short while he turns to the pirate and says... "I'm so sorry for your loss. You have my deepest condolences, Captain Gray beard. And after listening to you carefully, ive decided, you'll be glad to know, that I have just the thing for you. We'll have your head back together in no time!" The pirate looks at the doc and says... " that's muchly appreciated doctor, but it's not my head that's the problem..." "Ok" says the doc... "well what do you think is the problem?" In his deepest, saddest, pirate accent, the pirate replies: its me heart... me hearties the problem.
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