More New Years Eve One Liners

I raised my left leg before the ball dropped so I could start the New Year off on the right foot. In 2018, may your neighbors respect you, troubles neglect you, angels protect you, and heaven accept you. May all your troubles last as long as your New Year resolutions. I hereby resolve not to catch fire while riding a flaming hoverboard....again. Dear God, my prayer for 2018 is a FAT bank account and a THIN body. Please don't mix it up like you did this year. I want to get so drunk that if vampires bit my neck they'd get a Bloody Mary. Remember you can reset your resolutions on January 14th (Orthodox New Year) and February 16th (Chinese New Year). After that, even I can't help you. I wanna kiss you on December 31st from 11:59 pm to 12:01 am, so I can have an amazing ending to 2017 and a beautiful beginning into 2018. Many things can be preserved in alcohol this New Years Eve. DIGNITY is not one of them. Every year I make a resolution to change myself....... this year making a resolution to be myself! I'm planning on finding new and interesting things to hate about my job in 2018. Just heard that in 2018 there will be a new device that can turn thoughts into speech. I have had that for years, it's called alcohol. My New Years Resolution is to break my New Years Resolutions....That way I succeed at something! Anyone who says that alcohol is a depressant isn't drinking enough of it. Keep the smile, Leave the tear, Hold the laugh, Leave the pain, Think of joy, Forget the fear. Be joyous, cause its a New Year. New Year's is just a holiday created by calendar companies who don't want you reusing last year's calendar. I'm actually feeling pretty okay about not accomplishing anything this year. My 2018 resolution is for everyone else to gain the 50 pounds I refuse to lose. People think New Years is a life changing event. If your life sucked last year, it's probably still going to suck tomorrow. May all your troubles last as long as your New Years resolutions. I heard Donald Trump wants to Make New Years Eve Great Again.
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